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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Humandots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: saartha
    ASL Info:    27/F/US
    Elite Ratio:    4.03 - 230/390/136
    Words: 87
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 629
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 677



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHumandots
    -------------------------------------------


    Booth-sequestered--
    not out of some deep-seeded need
    for a Father figure
    or the desire to confess fabrications
    purely for the sake of humbleness,

    but simply because
    I had never done it
    before--

    I pressed a hand
    divinely pale
    against the rusting iron
    and whispered
    about love,
    hugging strangers in the street,
    the smell of stars on hot summer nights,
    the sound of the world turning
    and turning
    into something
    beautiful...

    and felt aged fingertips,
    my own,
    brush against the grail
    from the other side.




    Submitted on 2007-08-19 17:05:13     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      Ooh, I like it. I love the simple explaination about simply having never done it before - A very good reason to take all sorts of romantic risks, in my opinion.
    I'm intrigued by the line "The smell of stars on hot summer nights," I'm not entirely sure I 'get it' but it reminds me of a night last summer when I lay in the grass staring at the stars with my boyfriend, and he said "doesn't it smell like summer to you?"
    That said, I think this is a good write but could use some clarification. The "aged fingertips" from the other side being "[your] own" doesnt quite make sense to me. I had assumed it to be literal, but maybe I'm just being stupid. Anyway, it's very .. erm.. 'sensory', and I like that. With just a few adjustments this will be excellent.
    | Posted on 2007-08-19 00:00:00 | by jinx | [ Reply to This ]


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