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    dots Submission Name: I've Been Here Beforedots

    Author: Raivn
    ASL Info:    33/f/al
    Elite Ratio:    4.28 - 1222/916/231
    Words: 414
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/Serious
    Total Views: 399
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2270

       Thoughts in my head.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI've Been Here Beforedots

    It's the same story. I've been in this room before. I've sat and watched these two people interact...connect in a way that sends sparks flying through the air, pausing only to singe me, the innocent bystander. Wait, no...it wasn't these two people. It was her, and some other guy. It seems the same, though. I find a fascinating person and try to be friends with them, and they are fascinated by her. I'm not bitter. Okay, maybe a little. But I've seen this happen before. I swear, I've been here. In this very situation. I was fascinated byt this new friend...and he was fascinated by my beautiful, intelligent sister.

    I hate feeling this way. I love her beyond measure. But I feel as if I've always lived in her shadow. She's always been the beautiful one. I used to contend myself with being the brain, but I think now, she has surpassed me. In a way, anyhow. She knows all these things about dimensions and subconsciousness and shit. I know about movies and music and writers and spelling and I pay attention to the things that other people do, so I always know what's going on. But no one cares about those things. They want to explore her mind. No one pays attention to mine.

    So, I sit in this room, sipping my drink, and smoke one Marlboro Light after another. The only time I'm really given any notice is when I fail to play a song that coincides with what they want. Then they notice me. Every once in a while, I play a stupid song just to get a little attention. I like the way he looks at me sometimes. It pisses me off. I don't need to like that, particularly since he seems to be developing a slight infatuation with her. Which is pointless, of course. She is committed to her boy.

    "What's your most embarrassing moment?" he asks. She answers, and I continue the game by asking what his is. He answers, looking at her, and they skip to another topic. No one asks me. It's petty, but I wanted to be acknowledged. Is that so wrong?

    I don't like feeling this way. I actually hate being this petty and childish, and insecure. I am a grown woman, I don't need to feel like this. How do I stop it?

    Submitted on 2007-08-19 18:51:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      hey once again i am inspired.... first of all you are beatutiful, no matter what you feel, second i think you have inspired me to write something like this.... if you dont mind.
    | Posted on 2007-09-25 00:00:00 | by lyonhart08 | [ Reply to This ]
      i wonder if perhaps i know who the guy is...i bet i do...

    this is well written, and definately brought the attention to you, but not in a bad way....
    it doesnt matter what they think

    you have a talent for making the reader feel as though they are the main character, sitting there in your stead with that lit ciggarette, that pile of cds at your feet and in your lap...

    they dream up other worlds and discuss the things they want to see, want to do

    but you have done things, and you exist, and yes they have done things too

    but they are tied to these dreams like a slave to a master and in their minds they cannot separate them

    just listen and learn and revel in you obscurity and anonimity, for fear you make a mistake in the conversation, and cause an unhealthy interest

    be glad that you are anonymous, and not an open book before them, because mystery is more intrigueing than knowing something to the extent that it can be known

    congratulation, and keep it up

    | Posted on 2007-08-23 00:00:00 | by blu_kittin | [ Reply to This ]

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