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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Electric Skydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lmz
    ASL Info:    40/female/USA
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 3433/1529/84
    Words: 136
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 1668
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 974



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsElectric Skydots
    -------------------------------------------


    I await your arrival,
    great anticipation of
    our encounter fills my soul.

    I hear you near
    a subtle rumble,
    the warmth of your breath
    intensifies.

    Darkness, you bring
    creates irresistible ambiance,
    as you tease with
    thunderous desire.

    Your smell, divine,
    I breathe just to taste,
    to capture all of you,
    even if only for a brief moment.

    Electric sky, liquify
    your touch, like no other
    fall into me, saturate my hair,
    tickle my skin, slowly,
    you consume me.

    The roar of your presence
    excites, a bolt of ectasy
    releases, relaxes,
    together, we are one.

    And even as you pull away,
    there is no sorrow, no longing,
    no regret,

    just warm rays that mark your smile
    creating a rainbow
    for only my eyes to see.





    Submitted on 2007-08-20 08:33:12     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Lorna, this is truly amazing! Awaiting your lover as an intense powerful display of the passionate storm. With its earth shaking thunder and heavenly fireworks so electric it leaves both partners exhausted, drenched and euphoric.

    Just fabulous!


    steve
    | Posted on 2011-10-11 00:00:00 | by SHRINKSDR | [ Reply to This ]
      hi Lorna--

    oh my...the pasion like an electric storm...

    the fierceness, the torrential feelings...the pelting emotions in the midst of...

    wow..and afterwards...no regrets...just the warm smile that is the rainbow after the sudden storm...

    and we just dip ourselves in all of it...like a refreshing river of joy...

    i was quite moved by this...and it still lingers.


    jacob
    | Posted on 2011-03-29 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      The first read through, I thought "eh", but then I read it a few more times and ended up liking it.

    I like the passionate, lover's nature in how you describe a storm (correct?). I've never seen it done before and it works out excellently.

    Really, I'm still amazed. The entire thing can take on a double meaning, the wording is well done, and... I think I'm repeating myself.

    I wonder in the fifth stanza if a comma is really necessary after slowly.

    Other than that, excellent piece and I can't say much more. Which is rare for me. Great work.
    | Posted on 2008-07-12 00:00:00 | by Sir Jimeth | [ Reply to This ]
      Aww That's gorgeous, but it made me really sad.

    I like the way it has somewhat dark, yet pretty sexual undertones, but it makes me think of a lot of other things too.

    "even if only for a brief moment."

    That's the line that got me.

    I don't even know what else to say.

    Beautifully done.
    -nikkki
    | Posted on 2007-11-08 00:00:00 | by Razor2TheRosary | [ Reply to This ]
      I love metaphors and you certainly did not disappoint with this one. Smiling...I'll never think of the thunderstorm the same way again! A rainbow in the end makes all the difference. I just wanted to let you know I enjoyed your write! :-) Sharon
    | Posted on 2007-10-28 00:00:00 | by Peggy Paris | [ Reply to This ]
      this is good stuff! particular liked the stanza:

    'Your smell, divine,
    I breathe just to taste,
    to capture all of you,
    even if only for a brief moment.'

    Nice work here. The fleeting moment works extremely well with the lightning metaphor.

    Only change I might make is to the last line. Maybe:

    'only my eyes see.'

    or

    'for only my eyes.'

    or something like that. Good work here.


    | Posted on 2007-09-24 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey Lorna,

    It's been a while!


    Let me say this seems to be a quite morbid depiction of a sexual relation. I thought it was rather shocking ... meaning to compare an electric storm with a sexual act ... I did like it thought I felt it was quite scintillating, particularly when it comes to stanza 6 when the poem reaches it peak , to put it that way.

    In the same regards, there is one line on stanza 6 which puzzled me big-time...
    "you consume me" to me, you are sort of saying that this other person is, in a way, devouring you but quite literally which strikes me as being rather baffling.

    I don't know where you got the inspiration to write this but it's, all in all, a very creative piece ... one of a kind I would say and despise of all I've said and, and as I mentioned earlier, I did enjoy reading it.

    Best wishes,



    Ethan
    | Posted on 2007-09-17 00:00:00 | by Ethan Brody | [ Reply to This ]
      First of all.........long time no hear, lol! I just had to comment on your write. I've got to confess one small little thing, I'm afraid of lightning (smile) Even though I don't like flashes, you have made it into a picasso of sorts. Your write is sensual and an eroctic fantasy. Comparing a storm to one's desire is brilliant. Take care. Once I get settled with a pc you will hear more from me...........Wanda
    | Posted on 2007-09-16 00:00:00 | by bigfineq | [ Reply to This ]
      You've managed to do it once again. Your words can take us in so many directions and lead us to all different opinions of what your pieces mean. Through so many of your writes, I've witnessed people really realizing what poetry is all about.

    I'm most impressed with the fact that you can make us really analyze your writing and come up with soooo many different ideas of what you're talking about. You manage to take something so innocent and turn it into something that sounds so completely erotic. You are a master of erotic writing in so many respects. How passionate you are about nature is so apparent in your writing, while how animalistic so many of us are is also very evident....lol. It's no secret that I think you're an amazing writer and this is just another piece that showcases exactly why I feel the way that I do.

    Another very beautiful piece from you Lady Lorna! Absolutely amazing and definately a fav!!!!

    Candi
    | Posted on 2007-09-10 00:00:00 | by dreamweaver | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm baaaaack--hopefully :D. This is a really great piece, I love the imagery, the pace, and of course the meaning. Very controlled and tight. Highly erotic :D. Great job.
    | Posted on 2007-09-04 00:00:00 | by bentnotbroken | [ Reply to This ]
      Beautiful and erotic and full of electric life!

    This is very well done! I need a smoke & a "shower" he he he

    Great girl!

    love,peace,joy&smiles to share
    tif
    | Posted on 2007-08-22 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      Well...first I'm sorry for faving it and not commenting right away ...I was at work...haha (shhhhh)

    Anyhoo, this is perfection penned in poetry. The visual is spell binding and I must say a little erotic. Which is a great comparison to the excitement of a good thunderstorm. I love the lighting and the smell in the air. You can almost feel the electricity serging through everything.


    Electric sky, liquify

    BEAUTIFUL...amazing and pure...Bliss

    This is a lame ass comment but I think you can't mess with perfection...so all I have is kissing butt praise.

    Thank You...for the beauty!!!
    | Posted on 2007-08-20 00:00:00 | by clay | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, I love storms and they make me feel alive but I have never been able to feel that good.

    I love this and you just seem to bring the essance of the storm to the reader. Now when I come across a storm that does this to me then I will write about but as for now I guess I will be left wanting.

    Nice visuals here Lorna and You almost made me feel like Iwas there (I mean in the storm) hee hee.

    Nicely done

    Respect and Admiration

    Clyde
    | Posted on 2007-08-20 00:00:00 | by Wisdom Seeker | [ Reply to This ]
      
    Not much to say Lorna...apart from you are the best poet on this site.

    This poem has everything - it really is superb.

    Your best to date I think.

    Frank.
    | Posted on 2007-08-20 00:00:00 | by Frank Maguire | [ Reply to This ]
      Thunderstorms! Now I understand the title "Electric Sky"! Ha! I thought you were describing an orgasm and romantic intimacy, gal (but then, Thunderstorms and orgasms are kinda alike, aren't they?!)

    Now that I am apprized of what the poem is about, upon re-reading it, it is truly marvelous and delightful! Your poem will forever enhance my appreciation of Thunderstorms!!!!!!

    Thunderstorms! Golly!
    | Posted on 2007-08-20 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]
      This is delightful, Lorna, and exquisitely penned! You have eloquently and poetically described the most exquisite and intense moment of lovemaking and intimacy! Bravo! You go girl!

    By the way, it's great to see you posting again. We've missed your writing!
    | Posted on 2007-08-20 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]


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