[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Blood Rust dots

    Author: spacedoutboy
    ASL Info:    22/M/Il
    Elite Ratio:    3.09 - 32/48/23
    Words: 133
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 985
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 846

       It's about everything current with me. It's very metaphoric in the sense of it's meaning and purpose. It has alot of past transgretion of mine which is purely used as reference and metaphore.

    Though it isn't finished yet, I'm pretty happy with how it's turning out so far. Let me know what ya'll think so far.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBlood Rust dots

    A scream fills my lungs...
    And the exhale fills just a whisper
    The scraping of my tounge
    Forms only blisters
    but if peeling is healing
    then I think I'll be ok

    Just feel the spot and push it through
    A ripping edge as dull as you
    Digging into your black veins
    A burning warmth as dead as me

    These dealings have talked me into this rope
    The hatred that grips my throat
    Dangling contention in hopes to push through
    Only secession will hold the truth

    Feel the rust as it eats through
    Darkness falls as I fall into
    Oil and blood on rustled leaves
    Drawn from our corrupted veins

    The exhale of life
    The inhale of choices
    The fate of those drawn to die

    Submitted on 2007-08-20 18:59:42     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Your words have piqued my interest for sure and i would be curious to see where you take this piece from here. Might i make a small suggestion to you: In line 3 of stanza two I beleive you would be well served to change "scrapping" to read "scraping". It would tend to make much more sense.

    Have a great day and keep writing, you have skills!
    | Posted on 2007-08-21 00:00:00 | by ErgoIgo | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]