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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Blood Rust dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: spacedoutboy
    ASL Info:    22/M/Il
    Elite Ratio:    3.09 - 32/48/23
    Words: 133
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 862
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 846



    Description:
       It's about everything current with me. It's very metaphoric in the sense of it's meaning and purpose. It has alot of past transgretion of mine which is purely used as reference and metaphore.

    Though it isn't finished yet, I'm pretty happy with how it's turning out so far. Let me know what ya'll think so far.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBlood Rust dots
    -------------------------------------------


    A scream fills my lungs...
    And the exhale fills just a whisper
    The scraping of my tounge
    Forms only blisters
    but if peeling is healing
    then I think I'll be ok

    Just feel the spot and push it through
    A ripping edge as dull as you
    Digging into your black veins
    A burning warmth as dead as me

    These dealings have talked me into this rope
    The hatred that grips my throat
    Dangling contention in hopes to push through
    Only secession will hold the truth

    Feel the rust as it eats through
    Darkness falls as I fall into
    Oil and blood on rustled leaves
    Drawn from our corrupted veins

    The exhale of life
    The inhale of choices
    The fate of those drawn to die






    Submitted on 2007-08-20 18:59:42     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Your words have piqued my interest for sure and i would be curious to see where you take this piece from here. Might i make a small suggestion to you: In line 3 of stanza two I beleive you would be well served to change "scrapping" to read "scraping". It would tend to make much more sense.

    Have a great day and keep writing, you have skills!
    | Posted on 2007-08-21 00:00:00 | by ErgoIgo | [ Reply to This ]


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    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
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