Copper thorn by poppi

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dots

<< | >>

Submission Name: Copper thorn dots

--------------------------------------------------------

Author:	poppi
Elite Ratio:	7.47 - 72/55/37
Words:	73

Class/Type:	Poetry/Sorry
Total Views:	799
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	464

Description:

Copper thorn dots

-------------------------------------------

I have a thorn in my side
And now there’s a whole
My stitches are coming undone
And you can see,
I’m not made of gold
Tarnished copper, is all that I am
Throw me away
Like every other penny,
You’ve used, you’ve abused
I understand
If you don’t love me anymore
The thorn in my side will just,
Dig a little deeper
And my stitches, my stitches
Will forever remain sore

Submitted on 2007-08-20 20:31:27 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
mmm... so-so. typo I think in the second line -hole not whole. the personification of an object I like, but the overall presentation is not that personal and not very much related to the object. It'd be better to describe the feelings of the object as it goes through something that is does go through, like how a penny is viewed as worthless and if dropped oftentimes not even picked up, and use that penny as the complete metaphor for the story. This kinda jumps back and forth between you bing a penny or something else, overall just like I said so-so. It's a good attempt and moving in the right direction, but needs more work.
| Posted on 2007-08-21 00:00:00 | by yonkit | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece? 7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?

148334

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
It means a lot to them, as it does to you.
Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
Mystery Read written by kyserin
Gaia written by endlessgame23
Dream written by closetpoet
FamiliarDemons Â©â„¢ written by kyserin
no sky on the other side written by teika5
Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
The Want written by Daniel Barlow
Live In Between written by teika5
Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
Across the bed written by expiring_touch
Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
The Abyss of Love written by poetotoe
When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
Beauty Rest written by jackz
Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
Deep written by Janesaddiction
going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching

Enter your search terms Submit search form

Web www.eliteskills.com

[ Quick Signup ]
[ Lost Password ]

January 10 07
131,497 Poems
Posted

I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

[ Angst Poetry ]
[ Cutters ]
[ Famous Poetry ]
[ Poetry Scams ]

FontSize:
[ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3 It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
It means a lot to them, as it does to you.