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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: everytime i close my eyes i see you facedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: ladiesplanet1
    ASL Info:    23.cali baby
    Elite Ratio:    3.58 - 720/463/165
    Words: 122
    Class/Type: Lyrics/I hate you
    Total Views: 404
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 724



    Description:
       just some shit ive had in the back of my notebook for a while.

    THE ORIGINAL LAST LINE OF THE VERSE WAS "BUT THEN YOU CHEAT"


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotseverytime i close my eyes i see you facedots
    -------------------------------------------


    for myself i feel hate
    no one could relate
    to how i feel like bait
    no one can erase
    the mistakes i make
    no one can debate
    its too late
    for me to go on
    when i know im wrong
    when i know i dont deserve my life
    when i know you already reserve the knife
    and for the pain i feel
    it feels unreal
    its so surreal
    i'll never heal
    close my eyes and go to sleep
    dream of you wake up and weep
    the time we had was like a treat
    BUT THEN I LIE





    {chorus}

    everytime i close my eyes
    i see your face and SCREAM
    please let this be a dream




    Submitted on 2007-08-21 04:31:16     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i agree that the verses are a bit choppy.
    in the rhyme pattern i think.


    but with the right music.

    i could be wrong.


    :]

    take care.
    | Posted on 2008-02-29 00:00:00 | by shawnaSUNSHINE | [ Reply to This ]
      ouch...this is kind of painful.

    I would love to hear it...
    | Posted on 2007-10-21 00:00:00 | by Raivn | [ Reply to This ]
      i really like your churous i guess it would be. It has really good rythum. The verse is really choppy, although it might sound really good put to the right music. I like it, although i have to say the choppiness kinda makes it hard to read and to understnad. Just something to think about.
    ~Shadow
    ps. thankyou so much for the comments, they really have inspired me to start posting more of my writing.
    | Posted on 2007-09-11 00:00:00 | by Moonshadow | [ Reply to This ]


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