that girl who one day was just gone
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Description:
title isn't my fav--I don't think at least just yet or not or whatever--so this is about my dog and how much he loves peanut butter and pancakes
that girl who one day was just gone
despite all the things I said I bite down as I force them down what's right when every thing's dead? I write cause my wrongs came round what I wrote was a joke, about someone I never found. but what was meant was nothing nothing like in this song- too simple-for words to come full circle then again something went so wrong a friend -I'll forever refer to as "that girl" I never thought it but we fought about it why I don't know maybe one day we'll both grow! Till then, now and again we may surface just to breathe and with each breath it's said... some simply can't give what some people need. I thought that this made me feel so right I thought that thist felt so fucking right communication, we were so on come home to find devastation -yeah she was gone-just gone a writers words never mean much unless your talking to the one whose hearts you want to touch a thousand hands with one voice our demands still left you a choice but what you decided- and the others you confided in you lied and we died that night this writers write is aimed at your heart point blank-no thanks-for ripping me apart from the beginning to the end and back to the start one day this pain will stop I know I'll thank the cop Most of these words will soon be absurd to you and the world unheard like the ears they just fell on and you my friend I will forever refer to as "that girl" who like these words, one day, just gone lamemansterms |
Submitted on 2007-08-23 05:17:16 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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| a writers words never mean much unless your talking to the one whose hearts you want to touch How true this is; I've thought this many times, and wondered what the hell I was doing writing sometimes. Hearts are fickle, dangerous beasts. 'That girl'... I've seen many of those, and literally palpitated. But after a while, they all fade until forgotten, unlike love which is timeless and real. Or maybe I'm just a soppy romantic in a world of hookers and leeches. I don't know anymore. I don't think I ever did. Are these lyrics for your punk band? They're catchy. Nice to read you, Mike. Peace,  Jase | Posted on 2007-11-13 00:00:00 | by alteredlife | [ Reply to This ] | Overall this was pretty good. I have three suggestions though. | Don't refer to being a writer so often. It's ok to mention it, but it seemed like you had trouble staying on track. Sometimes it was about the writer, sometimes it was about the girl. It felt really jumbled. I don't particularly like the title. I think it's a bit too long, but that's just me. "I bite down as I force them down" I think that line would be better if you found a way to rewrite it without saying down twice. This could be really goood with some polishing. Keep writing ~Venia | Posted on 2007-08-25 00:00:00 | by Venia | [ Reply to This ] | |
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