Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Longingdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: elephantasia
    ASL Info:    37/F/UK
    Elite Ratio:    3.54 - 398/490/159
    Words: 173
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 708
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1084



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLongingdots
    -------------------------------------------


    How long is it since our parting?
    How many lifetimes did amnesia blind me?
    How many signs has it taken
    to awaken to this longing?
    How starved I have been,
    stuffing my emptiness
    full of unfulling substitutions
    whilst all along my thirsting heart
    has lain wilted in the desert, hallucinating.

    This pain is so deep
    it scratches my very soul into action.
    I can stand this insatiable loneliness no longer.
    I am so weak
    and yet in my weakness I find such strength.
    Though my hands be bloodied and scratched from life's thorns
    I will crawl to you.
    Though my feet be split and blistered
    I will keep walking to you.
    For there is nowhere else to go
    and to turn back now would be worse than death.

    Was it I forgot you?
    Did I grow these thorns?
    Is this desert of my own making?

    I beg you to quench my thirst
    I beg you to quench my thirst
    May I find rest in your black waters.





    Submitted on 2007-08-24 10:56:10     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      It is truly amazing how strong the pull of love can be and the many things we will find a way to overcome in order to bathe in love's glory once again. You ask some interesting questions in this piece and as you seek to find the answers my best wishes make the journey with you.
    | Posted on 2007-09-07 00:00:00 | by ErgoIgo | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a really beautiful and well versed item that describes longing and the desperation that comes with separation very well. You are a really talented write, Kate, and I will be back to read more of your excellent verse!
    | Posted on 2007-09-01 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]
      I really love this. It describes my longing to be with my husband. I will send this to him with your blessing. It is amazing how deeply you have struck a chord. My only suggestions would be for the following lines:

    I can stand this insatisiable loneliness no longer.

    Is this supposed to be insatiable?

    This line does not flow very well with the rest for me, im not sure if it is the typo or the line itself. Perhaps it would read better if swapped the sentence a little ie. I can no longer stand this insatiable loneliness. And the only other thing Im left wondering is how you find strength in your weakness, is it love that drives you on? I feel if you added that it would make the piece more complete but they are just my thoughts. stormy
    | Posted on 2007-09-01 00:00:00 | by stormyskies | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a very strong piece and it is that it covers many lifetimes. The pain and loneliness but yet, the feeling that there is something there to RE-MEMBER.

    I enjoyed the format and thought you did very well with this!

    love,peace,joy&smiles to share
    tif ~*~
    | Posted on 2007-08-29 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    148498

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    The Abyss of Love written by poetotoe
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    untitled written by Outlaw
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry