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Why I'm Late for Work

Author: annie0888
ASL Info:    49/f/LA
Elite Ratio:    4.76 - 327 /382 /122
Words: 23
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 858
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 167


Why I'm Late for Work

This gardenia
Creamy white
Untwists itself
All through the night,
Unfolds its scent
at break of day,
Forcing noses to obey.

Submitted on 2007-08-27 06:32:11     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  I'm not sure why anyone made a big deal about this not being similar enough, or "as good" as your previous piece.

Writing is not about consistency. There's no law that a writer cannot change style. I have often been scolded for having titles like this, and the poem itself seemed unrelated. However, that's poetry. One needs to see beyond the obvious. Not always, but often, this is true.

Honestly, I enjoyed this. Life is demanding. Work will still be work day after day, but beauty is frail and not everlasting. Take advantage of it! And write about it!

| Posted on 2008-05-20 00:00:00 | by Jester_Gesture | [ Reply to This ]
  This gardenia
Creamy white
Untwists itself
All through the night,
Unfolds its scent
at break of day,
Forcing noses to obey.

Well, some people appear to never be satisfied. And the sad fact of the matter is writing something that sounds exactly like the last piece you wrote doesn't qualify as growth. However, it would qualify as 'Hollywood sequel without much energy, thought or involvement created for mindless hordes that love nothing better than not thinking hard.' I'm certain that would please even fewer people.

Obviously you've written this for your own enjoyment and it is meant to reflect to the reader precisely what the unfolding bloom meant to you as you left for work. And that's all I gather from this write. No drama from me, ma'am. Enjoy the blooms while the weather is warm.

| Posted on 2007-10-05 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
  Hi Annie,

After enjoying your Lysdexia piece so much, I thought I'd check out this poem.
I'm quite disappointed. I don't really understand how the title and body relate, unless you're not telling us that you couldn't help but pause at the front door in order to spend five minutes buried nose-deep in pollen.

Beginning a poem with a boring word like "This" is a no-no in my book; you want to capture, enthrall us...every little helps.
Further on, minimalist as it is, there really isn't anything to sink teeth into. Your words mirror the gardenia you write of, cream and sweet but fragile and not really up to heavy scrutinity. The rhyme's very basic, and could have been written by a gifted eight year old...if this poem and the other one of yours I've seen were handed to me on plain paper without names, I'd be hard-pressed to find similarity between the two.
You could elaborate on why you're late for work. Or write a poem about flowers (if you must) which contains something weighty, worthwhile, which has a point.
I can't really continue with recommendations on how to remaster this piece because it would most likely end up a completely different poem. Not a good thing
| Posted on 2007-08-28 00:00:00 | by Learah | [ Reply to This ]

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