Description: I was just a little inspired but didn't know what to write about. I started with the first line and worked my way down from there. Enjoy and thanks for reading!
BOY -------------------------------------------
She turned around to see him one last time
To see his gentle hands waving goodbye
The way she felt towards this boy
Was like a crime
She could not control the tears
Pouring from her eyes
Knowing him all these years
Only to find he was telling her lies
She paused as if to say one last word
But the man on the train said, “All aboard!”
Her mind began to race of what to do next
But an old song came on she knew best
He took her hand to dance to the song
She asked him why it took him so long
The boy placed her head next to his heart
As the girl heard the way it was beating so hard
She looked at his green eyes with wonder
Why did I ever become your lover?
She pushed the boy with such disgust
For he only wanted her in lust
It seemed like this poem was very spurratic, though. I noticed a lot of love clichés all kind of wrapped up here, like the writer couldn't decided which boy to write about, and then couldn't decide if this boy was good or bad. It had no real subject. And I think in this type of poem, you'd also be better off having a consistent rhyming scheme.
I really have nothing against love clichés, but they've been done so many times that if you're gonna do one, you really need to go for it wholeheartedly and just own it.
This could be much better if it were revised to have some more direction and consistency.
Submission Name: BOY
