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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: For Now and Alwaysdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: charmedidentity
    ASL Info:    23/F/Canada
    Elite Ratio:    6.9 - 864/897/406
    Words: 504
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 3317
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 3209



    Description:
       This is a duet that me and Crestfallenman wrote together. I found it amazingly well put that it brings such joy when i read this piece. I hope you readers feel the same passion that we've put together in this piece.

    The idea is based on a person who has lost the love of her life and feels that he has abandoned her but that love has always been close to her even if she could not see him. The importance of this piece is to remember all the amazing times she had with him and to not mourn but to share all that was learnt from this love because when a person truly loves, there couldn't be anything more beautiful than that.

    I hope you enjoy this as much as i did and i wanna thank Alex for the amazing write. I'll be looking forward in writing more wonderful poetry with you.

    Crestfallenman words are in italics while mine are in regular font


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFor Now and Alwaysdots
    -------------------------------------------


    You left me in the shadows of the deceased
    Where I hopelessly search for your essence
    Where I anticipate our love will rekindle
    But I cannot bear the separation any further.

    My love, I am not endowed by the separation of our hearts,
    Nor am I blissful for the torments your spirit suffers,
    Of this tragic love game you seek in despair,
    But darling you are wrong, for in your heart I will be there.


    My nights are filled with waterfall tears
    And you’re not there to touch me to sleep
    To hold me until there is no reason to cry
    And wake me by kissing me good morning.

    Those long sleepless nights you stain tears on your pillow,
    I am right beside you, helpless to grant you my comfort I used to.
    I chase you throughout those days you feel void,
    Failing to touch those tears I could once wash away.


    I walk on the streets filled with emptiness
    Feeling the breeze pretending it is your touch
    Somewhere hearing your voice call my name
    But this imagination can only be in my heart.

    So much happiness is I to forever see your beauty,
    Can you not hear my voice in the clattering leaves in Autumn?
    The wind that blows through your ears is my whispers calling you,
    To halt your search, for I am forever within you.


    You’ve taken from me all that had meaning
    Now I can only enjoy the moments of the past
    Every little detail reminds me terribly of you
    How can I not collapse myself into sorrow?

    Of the frozen moments taken from you,
    From the days that had once bequest all beauty in life,
    Have been derived from the departure I have taken,
    Let my spirit not break you into sorrow, but break you from sorrow.


    I cannot summon you from the world of death
    For I have no means to find the magic I long
    But if I could find a way to return you, I would
    And promise that I’d never leave your sight.

    Heartbreak not over the desires of mortal pains,
    But triumph over the beauty of your eternal unfading memories.
    Of the days we danced feverishly underneath the heavens stair,
    Near the willow you now sob into tears.


    I’ll never stop searching for your presence
    Until I find peace that you’re my guardian angel
    That you will guide me to bliss as I would for you
    And one day until my time has come to leave
    I will be reunited with you, my one true love.

    My love I am near you,
    Close your eyes and believe I am near,
    For you shall find you have been searching the wrong places,
    It has been so long you've noticed, that I have been near you,
    Since the day my tired eyes closed forever.


    Charmedidenity & Crestfallenman
    2007




    Submitted on 2007-08-28 10:11:45     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

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    2: I dunno...
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    ||| Comments |||
      i quite like this...the verses slip in and out of each other like lovers in and out of each other's arms..

    very smooth..

    it is like a voice responding to the thoughts of the first speaker...each time the second speaker comes into play..the reassurance...the 'i hear you my love' and will assuage your longing, your pain...

    it's a comfortable conversation...that fits together beautifully.


    jacob
    | Posted on 2011-04-21 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow. This was amazing. Even/especially with both of your different writing styles it just all came together. I felt like I was right in the story and I was mourning a lost loved one. It almost brought tears to my eyes. I am ever so glad that I took the time to read that. Thank you for posting it! Hope you write something else together...I'll be looking!
    | Posted on 2007-12-31 00:00:00 | by Draumrkopa | [ Reply to This ]
      wow! you two this is such an amazing co-write, I have utter admiration for your creativity and artistry; the way you can express those feelings with such pure fluency.
    This is probably the best piece i have ever read on E.s or anywhere for that matter, I love it, I feel it and it is absolutely beautiful.

    ~Matt
    | Posted on 2007-09-03 00:00:00 | by forfila | [ Reply to This ]
      This is quite amazing. Like really really amazing. It gave me that feeling that someone out there, somewhere would love me whatever the state I was in. You two have out done yourself in this piece and I hope you dont mind if I make some of my friends read this, 'cause if it catches their attention like it did mine... Damn! The set up is superb! The flow, the rhythm, the emotionally evoking vocabulary! I dont think I'll ever get tired of this piece of genius.

    I look forward to reading some more duets and I wish there was a 7 or 8 on the scale 'cause 5 is an understatement, haha.

    | Posted on 2007-08-28 00:00:00 | by Zai | [ Reply to This ]
      This has a genuine feeling to it, and there is an undeniable harmony between your style and Crestfallenman's. There are a few things that I think could be changed:

    "Those long sleepless nights you stain tears on your pillow,
    I am right beside you, helpless to grant you my comfort I used to
    ."

    It seems more proper grammar to say "grant you the comfort I used to".

    "So much happiness is I to forever see your beauty,"

    It makes sense without the 'I'.

    Can you not hear my voice in the clattering leaves in Autumn?

    'Clattering' doesn't seem like quite the word to use, since it is used more to describe a loud ruckus than a soft rustle.

    Other than those things, this is an unusual piece and very well written and put together.
    I think it would be a good idea to feature this in the next issue of ES Magazine.

    Jen
    | Posted on 2007-08-28 00:00:00 | by Jeniffer | [ Reply to This ]
      I really enjoyed the whole question answer thing here, because it felt like they were turly speaking to one another through their souls and hearts, and I thought that was beautiful. The two above comments already nitpicked everything, and I have nothing more to add, really, to this.

    I enjoyed the question answer, and it really pained me the theme of the poem, where she always kept looking for him, will the guy who passed away kept trying to tell her that he would always be there for her, it was so sad.

    I liked it a lot, it did touch me.
    Be well,
    ~Azura*
    | Posted on 2007-08-28 00:00:00 | by EmpathicAya | [ Reply to This ]
      
    I agree with Shaman about the waterfall tears.. To me this had an almost old time feel and the waterfall used to describe the tears sounded too childish to me and cheapened the pain.

    I would try something similar to this,

    My nights are filled with sullen tears.
    Away, you’re not here to touch me to sleep,
    To hold me until there is no reason to cry,
    And wake me by kissing me good morning.

    Also

    How can I not collapse myself into sorrow?
    I think could be changed to,
    Alone, how can i not collapse into sorrow?
    to give it a more concise feel.

    "I walk on the streets filled with emptiness
    Feeling the breeze pretending it is your touch"
    Most Excellent! Nice. Definitely my favourite line.

    I find this piece very interesting. I enjoyed the two tones given off by the two writers.. I felt the emotion and the longing was properly conveyed. I found this piece to be sad but beautiful in its harsh truths.

    I don't know if you've ever heard Yankee Bayonet by The Decemberists or not, but after having heard that song you're piece to me reads like that song. Very Melodic.

    /rmdIII
    | Posted on 2007-08-28 00:00:00 | by Ratiomeducet | [ Reply to This ]
       Waterfall tear seemed to cliché to me, however i think and more tactful presentation could make this metaphor marvelous. I think the thing that bothered me is filled with waterfall tears filling the night make it volumous but it just didn't impress me. I would have also like more specifics; Touched me to sleep? I thinks some extra description here would go a long way; stroking of her face gently rubbing you back or whatever it may be. The memories are a bit vague for my taste as well I like details human intrest what make this story any more worth reading than any other? Yes the language is beautiful and yes the mood is captured wonderfully on both parts it all has that canonball impending doom feel to it.

    For this style the piece is done well. The rhythm is consistant as well as the mood. The vague description like Autum leaves and willow trees work in this piece because anyone can relate the are many spiecies of willows and the exist in various places. The autum leaves aid the feeling of despair because of the mood you don't think so much of the glorious colors but rather the brown ones decomposing on the ground following this with death finalized winter is here it's all misery. Anyway those were my intial impressions hope they were helpful if not please disregaurd this.
    peace
    | Posted on 2007-08-28 00:00:00 | by shaman | [ Reply to This ]


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