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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: the pink saphire autumn dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: blackbird
    ASL Info:    31/male/reykjavik iceland
    Elite Ratio:    2.35 - 194/328/300
    Words: 131
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 696
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 854



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsthe pink saphire autumn dots
    -------------------------------------------


    challenge the serious waves,
    the lush programming,
    the dappled grammar.

    we flow with hearts of magmatic grace,
    bloodletting the hours
    that crowd amongst us
    in the trees where we are subtle.

    & i am touched by your enamour.
    so flow through me
    so that i can know you divinely.

    & in the bluish temple of your eyes
    i find peace.
    like the natural way
    that the forests move their trembling leaves
    in time with speech.

    i wish the water of your body
    to pass onward inside me
    as the river of your voice vibrates
    inside every cell of my becoming.

    their is pearl waiting for you
    in the pink saphire autumn of our love.
    & in a breathless knowing i have found you...




    Submitted on 2007-08-28 14:52:25     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      first; i'm pretty sure its "sapphire" with two Ps. i don't have a dictionary handy but i'm almost positive.
    since you are leaving the commentary unspecified, here are my thoughts;
    magmatic- hmmmm... nice.
    so i've noticed that you like to use the & symbol quite a bit. in some of your other ones i didn't mind, other than it seems the & or and at all feels a bit unnecessary(sp?).
    i think this would flow along quite nicely without them.
    in part four; i think bluish should be something different.
    i mean why not just pick a color or combine a couple, blue-green, blue- gray, green-gray etc. etc. also when i think of sapphire i think of blue, their most common color.
    part five; onward? don't think i've quite figured this one out yet. i would think "through", hmmm...
    and the last part; should pearl be plural? or are we speaking of color?
    anyway just a few thoughts.
    you have a unique and calm voice my friend.
    good stuff.
    | Posted on 2008-02-11 00:00:00 | by eno1 | [ Reply to This ]


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