Succubus' Smile by particularshard

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dots

<< | >>

Submission Name: Succubus' Smile dots

--------------------------------------------------------

Author:	particularshard
ASL Info:	23/m/DC
Elite Ratio:	4.21 - 1159/1392/363
Words:	124

Class/Type:	Poetry/Misc
Total Views:	9998
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	851

Description:
Rough night. About to go back to sleep so I can actually get some rest! Its a rare morning when you wake up and really think you might have been ridden through the night....

Succubus' Smile dots

-------------------------------------------

Deep cuts on my arms I don't recognize
Days slept while campaigns waged
Phantoms dancing before my eyes
Behind which battles raged

A succubus hath robbed my dreams
Leaving lauguid minds and turgid joints
For walkers in the night are we
And dreams served as poisoned points

So now I brood with misty eyes
My vengence self-assured
I rub the paths of talon's scrye
A demon's wrath incurred.

My heart sings ballads of blood and fire
My bed a warzone with wreckage clear
She came upon me in hot desire
And betrayed me leaving fear.

Succubus you leave me spent
Restbroken, mouth filled with bile
All those cursed dreams your master sent
And all I remember is your cursed smile.

Submitted on 2004-06-20 19:56:53 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  I've just commented on someone else's hangover, which seemed...hung over? Not bad poetry, just not right. Yours on the other hand does not linger on the morning after, the allusions are intriguing and one wonders what is real and what is part of a dream still continuing. GREAT work this! Originalty redefined.
| Posted on 2004-06-22 00:00:00 | by Lelik | [ Reply to This ]
  I liked this. You used some nice wording and good imagery/descriptive details. I also thought the flow in this piece was pretty consistent. Nice job :)
| Posted on 2004-06-20 00:00:00 | by melancholystar | [ Reply to This ]
  hmm...this reminds me of my own harrowing encounter with an evil woman...with a cursed smile. Could it be the same unwanted visiter? I doubt it, at least she left you enough to write a good poem...the rhyming actually fit, wasn't forced or trite...hopefully your heart will sing something other than ballads other than blood and fire
| Posted on 2004-06-20 00:00:00 | by LadyChaos | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece? 7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?

14866

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

Enter your search terms Submit search form

Web www.eliteskills.com

[ Quick Signup ]
[ Lost Password ]

January 10 07
131,497 Poems
Posted

I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

[ Angst Poetry ]
[ Cutters ]
[ Famous Poetry ]
[ Poetry Scams ]

FontSize:
[ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3 It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
It means a lot to them, as it does to you.