[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Succubus' Smiledots

    Author: particularshard
    ASL Info:    23/m/DC
    Elite Ratio:    4.21 - 1159/1392/363
    Words: 124
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 9998
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 851

       Rough night. About to go back to sleep so I can actually get some rest! Its a rare morning when you wake up and really think you might have been ridden through the night....

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSuccubus' Smiledots

    Deep cuts on my arms I don't recognize
    Days slept while campaigns waged
    Phantoms dancing before my eyes
    Behind which battles raged

    A succubus hath robbed my dreams
    Leaving lauguid minds and turgid joints
    For walkers in the night are we
    And dreams served as poisoned points

    So now I brood with misty eyes
    My vengence self-assured
    I rub the paths of talon's scrye
    A demon's wrath incurred.

    My heart sings ballads of blood and fire
    My bed a warzone with wreckage clear
    She came upon me in hot desire
    And betrayed me leaving fear.

    Succubus you leave me spent
    Restbroken, mouth filled with bile
    All those cursed dreams your master sent
    And all I remember is your cursed smile.

    Submitted on 2004-06-20 19:56:53     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I've just commented on someone else's hangover, which seemed...hung over? Not bad poetry, just not right. Yours on the other hand does not linger on the morning after, the allusions are intriguing and one wonders what is real and what is part of a dream still continuing. GREAT work this! Originalty redefined.
    | Posted on 2004-06-22 00:00:00 | by Lelik | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked this. You used some nice wording and good imagery/descriptive details. I also thought the flow in this piece was pretty consistent. Nice job :)
    | Posted on 2004-06-20 00:00:00 | by melancholystar | [ Reply to This ]
      hmm...this reminds me of my own harrowing encounter with an evil woman...with a cursed smile. Could it be the same unwanted visiter? I doubt it, at least she left you enough to write a good poem...the rhyming actually fit, wasn't forced or trite...hopefully your heart will sing something other than ballads other than blood and fire
    | Posted on 2004-06-20 00:00:00 | by LadyChaos | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]