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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Ashameddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: I_m not Broken
    ASL Info:    17/F/IDK
    Elite Ratio:    2.75 - 91/98/68
    Words: 143
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 584
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 993



    Description:
       I do suppose this is simply about another relationship gone bad. Indeed


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAshameddots
    -------------------------------------------



    Take me back to the beginning

    Cause I can't feel the rain

    Forgive me for what I've become

    For what I've done I am ashamed



    Shut up up, I'm running away

    This can be real, you can't be real

    Life can't be this beautiful

    Go away can't you see my heart can't feel?!




    Fall to my knees and beg you

    Stop running; don't hide your beautiful face

    Unlock to agony consuming you day and night

    Please let go of all the hate...



    Shut your fucking face disappear

    I'm not here I wish I was dead myself

    Don't you see that's how I am?

    I ran like a child and hid inside someone else





    Submitted on 2007-08-28 21:21:27     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Some of these lines show promise as song lyrics, but not as poetry in my opinion. I'd do a rewrite and keep the best lines and discard the mediocre ones, or at least improve upon them. Add a few chorus's and a bridge and you'd have a pretty good pop song in my opinion.
    | Posted on 2007-09-11 00:00:00 | by Martin S. Allen | [ Reply to This ]


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    January 10 07
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