[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Ashameddots

    Author: I_m not Broken
    ASL Info:    17/F/IDK
    Elite Ratio:    2.75 - 91/98/68
    Words: 143
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 591
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 993

       I do suppose this is simply about another relationship gone bad. Indeed

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    Take me back to the beginning

    Cause I can't feel the rain

    Forgive me for what I've become

    For what I've done I am ashamed

    Shut up up, I'm running away

    This can be real, you can't be real

    Life can't be this beautiful

    Go away can't you see my heart can't feel?!

    Fall to my knees and beg you

    Stop running; don't hide your beautiful face

    Unlock to agony consuming you day and night

    Please let go of all the hate...

    Shut your fucking face disappear

    I'm not here I wish I was dead myself

    Don't you see that's how I am?

    I ran like a child and hid inside someone else

    Submitted on 2007-08-28 21:21:27     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Some of these lines show promise as song lyrics, but not as poetry in my opinion. I'd do a rewrite and keep the best lines and discard the mediocre ones, or at least improve upon them. Add a few chorus's and a bridge and you'd have a pretty good pop song in my opinion.
    | Posted on 2007-09-11 00:00:00 | by Martin S. Allen | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]