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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Infrastructure dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: annie0888
    ASL Info:    49/f/LA
    Elite Ratio:    4.76 - 327/382/122
    Words: 257
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 818
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1336



    Description:
       Yet another revision of a poem formerly titled "Non-Friction." I'm still trying to figure out the formatting for the lines that aren't just aligned left, so it looks kind of weird toward the end.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsInfrastructure dots
    -------------------------------------------


    There’s a bridge in Minnesota
    that pulses like a
    concrete trampoline.
    Suspended, speechless
    attached and straddling everything.

    Though long ashamed to creak
    or speak out loud
    the words that might destroy and
    set it free into the rushing
    or the muck,
    hints fall like Chinese
    water torture from its trusses.

    The cars bear down
         bear down     
    bear down –

    the trucks too.
    Loaded heavy with lumber,
    gasoline, diapers, cattle,
    they roll and tumble forward
    on the subtle undulations
    of the aging bridge’s deck

    Now pulsing turns to throbbing

         swell
    rise      dip surge

    fall


    With a final heave of resignation
    the thing at last collapses
    section by section by section –
    Like slow-mo dominos,
    Like springboards catapulting
    cows and diapers
    into God knows where.




    Submitted on 2007-08-28 22:06:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I like the possibility that the bridge might self-destruct at its own utterances or because you are finding words to describe it, which on being uttered might be the final trigger.
    I wonder a bit about the diapers and the birthing image of bearing down. Are these really appropriate to the fall of the bridge or do they simply represent some present preoccupation in your life.
    I like the fact that this poem has a clear unequivocal subject that is described elegantly and simply.
    This is a poem that sounds well when read aloud. I really think you could dispense with the placement of the words on the paper in funny ways thing. It doesn't work for me visually and even detracts from the aural aspect of the poem. Please kill the elementary school concrete poetry bit and this fine poem will be even better.
    | Posted on 2007-08-29 00:00:00 | by hanuman | [ Reply to This ]


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    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
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