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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Here's your goodbyedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lolavie
    ASL Info:    23/female/Michigan
    Elite Ratio:    3.26 - 70/175/103
    Words: 91
    Class/Type: Poetry/Venting
    Total Views: 1035
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 578



    Description:
       "DOCJONATHAN" THIS ONES FOR YOU...YEA, GOODBYE
    THIS PIECE IS WRITTEN W/O MUCH FEELING WHICH IS HOW I INTENDED IT TO BE


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHere's your goodbyedots
    -------------------------------------------


    You thought the truth would set you free
    Blow the ashes off the tray
    Let your tears put out the flame

    I knew things wouldnt be the same
    Breathe my air out one last time
    Let this be done,here's your goodbye

    No more lies okay from you from I
    Seal the envelope and time capsule
    Let time allow anger to die

    I kept the tears in and you cried
    Put a bandaid over your cowardice
    Let your wounds heal, here's your goodbye

    goodbye







    Submitted on 2004-06-20 20:39:16     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      And wow, is DocJonathan a repetive drama queen or what o.O
    Like I said, just reading his comments to your poetry is enough to make a rough draft of a bad teen movie or soap opera.
    | Posted on 2005-04-18 00:00:00 | by Cindergarden1 | [ Reply to This ]
      Of all your poems, I think this one is my favourite. The theme and title was very nice and emotive. The only thing I don't love about it is the step towards aggression at the end. Since the stanza before that was about letting the anger die with time the aggression comes at a time. Perhaps it is supposed to be interpreted as you pitying him, I dunno. If that is the case, it would be really cool if you could write a piece like this starting with anger and ending in pity, because that is often how the emotions go. Keep up the excellent work. I am adding this to my favorites and I'll try to put a tune to it ^_^ / Nils
    | Posted on 2005-04-18 00:00:00 | by Cindergarden1 | [ Reply to This ]
      I can see this happening, but I dont feel anything for it. there is no, feeling in the poem. choose a point, and use that idea to put feeling in your piece.
    | Posted on 2004-06-20 00:00:00 | by Kera | [ Reply to This ]
      I think there's a deep hidden feeling in this, one you weren't trying to put out in writing, but kept more for yourself, and you needed just a small way to let some of it go without spilling yourself. I liked it.
    | Posted on 2004-06-20 00:00:00 | by MyHeart2Yours | [ Reply to This ]
      Kera.. she said she meant it not to have feeling. Hmm.. Anyways You piece has a good flow.. and I think it is good that it is lacking in feeling because the person you wrote this for doesn't seem to deserve any more of your feelings. Good job
    | Posted on 2004-06-20 00:00:00 | by melancholystar | [ Reply to This ]
      I see LOTS of feeling in this. Maybe they aren't the feelings Kera wants to read about, but they are strong. Sometimes you just have to sever ties.
    | Posted on 2004-06-21 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
      The reality is I wrote for considerable length about this and was logged out by the system and lost it. I think it is the response Jamii wanted to hear from all of this, but who knows, maybe she wants silence. But the abridged version:
    I already said goodbye, I've lost your screenname, and have no intention of communicating with you again. Unfortunately, this begs response.

    The truth does set me free, and when you realize it you'll be free too.

    I know part of you wanted me to fight to keep you, and that is one reason your angry.

    I didn't lie about anything in all that time, despite how often you weaved your webs.

    I'm not a coward, if I was I wouldn't have covered all those miles on foot just to talk to you, take the abuse you gave me, or be around a guy with a restraining order against him. I came there because I would not be told to shut up by a bully.

    And if I was shaking it was because I was seeing you so messed up in your own mind, and I always hope for better.

    Sorry this has no length to it, I lost my better reply, oh well, it woulda just convinced you to keep up this pestering of me, or this audience to doubt you, and since its yours its better they are on your side. Though I'll remind them there are always two, and I'm a different villain than the sort they may think.

    I won't contact you, in case you missed it I made my goodbye already. If you contact me, I'll listen, but I doubt I will respond if its simply more rage.
    | Posted on 2004-06-21 00:00:00 | by DocJonathan | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    14871

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

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