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    dots Submission Name: astro-physicstelevisionstairmaster 5000dots

    Author: DBC
    ASL Info:    21/m/ar
    Elite Ratio:    2.77 - 55/59/29
    Words: 103
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 741
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 638


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    dotsastro-physicstelevisionstairmaster 5000dots

    sometimes my head just skips
    takes me on an unsuspected trip
    i see something unsavory and a fear grips me
    i pull back and my head is swimming

    i walk but my head feels light
    my brain overloads on the florescants
    human after fucking human
    trying to keep my eyes on every one of them

    trying to pull myself out of my mind
    you talk and i give off all the usual signs
    glazed over, unrelenting slurs of uselessness
    go away, you see there is nothing interesting about me
    i'm just a mouse that knows not the scent of cheese

    Submitted on 2007-08-29 16:26:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Ha! The name of the poem really grabbed me.
    This tone, the way you have spokne this poem onto paper is very resonant, it echoes. It reminds me of the feeling you get in a mirror house....

    It has a tone of known confusion, this scrambling you (or the person here speaking that you refer to).
    It has the similar feeling of shock, like painful shock, as if you are struck in the head with a heavy pan, and your conscious, but you cant hear, only see, and your regaining your senses, as if there is a lag between them. Things register in your mind, but dont at the same time.
    Then you feel stuck, and like your worthless, and you begin to resent yourself, and chase of those close to you....
    But at the same time, your telling yourself to leave.
    I like how you did it all in lower case, reminds me of thoughts shooting out, not fast, but not expected, esp. between the lack your sensual ability (sensual as in senses, no sex reference people) and the ability to feel and be apart of things around you.
    But you scream out INFORTMATION- that the frying pan that struck you. You feel like you are collapsing from what you know, but want to know it, want to make a change, but feel hopeless as to how to go about this...
    As you feel like you struggle to keep up, you feel hopeless in the lack of ability to make a change, and the lower case shows that shrinking feeling......
    A very expressive piece...
    Very unique, and I really dont think you would have to change anything structurally.....
    | Posted on 2007-08-29 00:00:00 | by ladyofshalott | [ Reply to This ]

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