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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: All I want in lifedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: every48seconds
    ASL Info:    25/M/toronto
    Elite Ratio:    3.32 - 123/163/129
    Words: 192
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 688
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1101



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAll I want in lifedots
    -------------------------------------------


    The simple things in my life
    Really get to me
    When I think really deep about everything else
    I would have stopped the entire world
    To just stare at a tree in the wind
    To see snow fall, rain splash against the pavement
    The sun fall, and the moons rising
    I would have gave up everything
    If I could just gaze at it all, without a worry
    With no afters, and no before
    To just, be at that moment in time
    With the best of friends, and I guess my lover
    That would be nice; I would try and try just to get this
    But, it's out of my reach
    Wind gets to cold, trees fall everyday
    Snow hits to hard, and rain floods the streets
    The buildings grow; you can't see the sunset all that much
    And you rarely get to see the moon rise
    I have to worry, about the future, even when the past still plagues me
    The best of friends are to busy
    And my lovers to far to hear me
    But I try, one day hopefully
    It'll work out
    And the world be better




    Submitted on 2007-08-30 11:32:46     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I really picked up on the melancholy in the second half...It made tears spring to my eyes.

    A few technical errors, The spaces between the commas, a misspelled word or two, Distract from it.

    It is a beautiful peice, however.

    ~Carrie
    | Posted on 2008-08-07 00:00:00 | by dismal_s child | [ Reply to This ]
      BEAUTIFUL!!!

    I have been here...so often.

    You expressed it perfectly.

    I love it!
    | Posted on 2007-08-30 00:00:00 | by Raivn | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
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    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    148761

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
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