I liked how you kept it classy while still portraying the raw emotions that come with this subject matter, it is very hard to do and you did indeed do it seamlessly. I also commend you for your choice of words, not too complicated but not too simple either, just perfect. Great Work.
confounded is my mothers most favourite word. i think its most horrid the way she uses it but i am of the opinion that she doesnt know what it means and just feels special coz she knows a big sounding word
i think you have given the word a new light to bask in.
i like this piece.
im not usually a fan of 'first time' writes because they just get so... like every other first time write i guess. but you have some little quirks in here that seems so individual to the relationship and i think that sets your piece apart which is always a good thing!!
i think the 'scream my name' line is a little bitty close to ruining to the piece [just because of all the songs over the years that have used those exact same words] so maybe try and find a way of saying it without saying it exactly like that...? i dont know... just a suggestion.
Did I choose this shirt because of you?
Well, I can't say you weren't a factor
i love this part here.
what i like about this whole piece is that it isnt all lust-filled and urgent... youre looking to create an atmosphere and a memory and i think that is beautiful.
what i like about this part with the shirt here is its kinda like a denial but also an admission of like/love/something.
its like youre saying well... while i didnt choose this shirt coz of you on purpose you are always on my mind and i am always trying to look nice just incase i see you or something to that effect... i think its nice... beautiful even.
its amazing how one little phrase can inspire a flood of words. i really enjoy this poem and the though usually you dont think of sex as innocent i found it possesed a sweet innocence not usually found i work like this. i really enjoyed it and plan on reading some more of your stuff.
this is HOT!
you did very well on this, i loved it..it seemed so very casual but definately intimate, if that makes sense at all
it made me think of two close friends that want each other, and then it happens and is great and special, but its also just like another marker for their friendship
i love the way you seem to be talking to that person through the whole thing, making the reader feel a part of it (not in a bad way)
"It's oh so very hot in here
But you say it might be me
Let me gently kiss those lips,
And place my hand upon your knee"
my favorite stanza, it makes me think of hot breath on my ear and throat and warm flesh beneath my hands
you are very skillaged at this, im thinking
This little story about the very first time is both warming and descriptive but it makes one harken back to that very time and place. I really think you treated this subject with great aplomb and I salute you.