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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Talking about Bluesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: vitoko
    ASL Info:    24/M
    Elite Ratio:    4.4 - 690/442/104
    Words: 109
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 745
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 697



    Description:
       well, another writing, it was about a moment i had days ago, while i was listening "Blues" by rata blanca, while i was kissing her... it was a perfect moment!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTalking about Bluesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Every minute looked like forever
    in Every single word only said :"Blues";
    Your lips and mine were admiring every riff,
    which joined us into a caress to our souls.

    You enjoyed every caress from my lips
    which were singing "I am crazy and confused when you are not here"
    and the moment to feel you close to me had come

    I felt in every last note
    that you are the most beautiful woman.
    in eight marvelous minutes,
    that took me to heaven.

    From which i didnt want to get back
    that was a moment for us
    to caress your lips talking about "blues"





    Submitted on 2007-08-30 20:01:48     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Nice captured moment, but listening to the blues in my case is a very one on one thing where the music itself is the partner. It wouldn't be polite to make your girl compete for your attention so. Kind of like introducing your wife to your mistress, they might rather not.
    | Posted on 2007-09-15 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]
      Isn't it grand what love can do to chase the blues! Many of our minutes pass with nothing worthy of remembering, but then there are those special ones that stay with us forever. I do believe you've captured a bit of precious time in your poem. Sharon
    | Posted on 2007-09-14 00:00:00 | by Peggy Paris | [ Reply to This ]
      Vic
    Not bad at all my Friend
    In this write you showed how Love can work miracles and easily erase a melancholy mood
    I also like how you duidnt get to graphic in describing a lovemaking scene
    That my Friend is a credit to your talent as a writer
    This write definately shows a marked improvement over some of your earlier writes I have read
    Great Work Vic
    God Bless
    Ron

    And I want to Thank You for making one of my writes A Favorite
    I am honered and humbled
    God Bless
    Your Friend
    Ron
    | Posted on 2007-09-07 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      Every minute looked like forever

    Look as a word doesnt seem right here...I wanted to say felt or tasted to give me a snesation as I feel sensations serve to take you deeper into the poem,

    in Every single word only said :"Blues";

    A more descriptive word than said wopuld help here such as whispered or some such...

    Your lips and mine were admiring every riff,
    which joined us into a caress to our souls.

    repetition of the owrds lips was a put off for me.

    I couldnt get into the feelings here and I think that was because it lacked the use of words which hit all the senses. I did like the idea and the reality of the moment.

    Kate
    x
    | Posted on 2007-09-01 00:00:00 | by elephantasia | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, talking about blues seems to have led to some colorful heat!

    Magical little moments in life - music of the heart!

    Happy Day!

    love,peace,joy&smiles to share

    tif
    | Posted on 2007-08-31 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]


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