[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Talking about Bluesdots

    Author: vitoko
    ASL Info:    24/M
    Elite Ratio:    4.4 - 690/442/104
    Words: 109
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 745
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 697

       well, another writing, it was about a moment i had days ago, while i was listening "Blues" by rata blanca, while i was kissing her... it was a perfect moment!

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTalking about Bluesdots

    Every minute looked like forever
    in Every single word only said :"Blues";
    Your lips and mine were admiring every riff,
    which joined us into a caress to our souls.

    You enjoyed every caress from my lips
    which were singing "I am crazy and confused when you are not here"
    and the moment to feel you close to me had come

    I felt in every last note
    that you are the most beautiful woman.
    in eight marvelous minutes,
    that took me to heaven.

    From which i didnt want to get back
    that was a moment for us
    to caress your lips talking about "blues"

    Submitted on 2007-08-30 20:01:48     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Nice captured moment, but listening to the blues in my case is a very one on one thing where the music itself is the partner. It wouldn't be polite to make your girl compete for your attention so. Kind of like introducing your wife to your mistress, they might rather not.
    | Posted on 2007-09-15 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]
      Isn't it grand what love can do to chase the blues! Many of our minutes pass with nothing worthy of remembering, but then there are those special ones that stay with us forever. I do believe you've captured a bit of precious time in your poem. Sharon
    | Posted on 2007-09-14 00:00:00 | by Peggy Paris | [ Reply to This ]
    Not bad at all my Friend
    In this write you showed how Love can work miracles and easily erase a melancholy mood
    I also like how you duidnt get to graphic in describing a lovemaking scene
    That my Friend is a credit to your talent as a writer
    This write definately shows a marked improvement over some of your earlier writes I have read
    Great Work Vic
    God Bless

    And I want to Thank You for making one of my writes A Favorite
    I am honered and humbled
    God Bless
    Your Friend
    | Posted on 2007-09-07 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      Every minute looked like forever

    Look as a word doesnt seem right here...I wanted to say felt or tasted to give me a snesation as I feel sensations serve to take you deeper into the poem,

    in Every single word only said :"Blues";

    A more descriptive word than said wopuld help here such as whispered or some such...

    Your lips and mine were admiring every riff,
    which joined us into a caress to our souls.

    repetition of the owrds lips was a put off for me.

    I couldnt get into the feelings here and I think that was because it lacked the use of words which hit all the senses. I did like the idea and the reality of the moment.

    | Posted on 2007-09-01 00:00:00 | by elephantasia | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, talking about blues seems to have led to some colorful heat!

    Magical little moments in life - music of the heart!

    Happy Day!

    love,peace,joy&smiles to share

    | Posted on 2007-08-31 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Giving written by jjd
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    To Glow written by krs3332003
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    Break Up written by WriteSomething
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    The Promise written by annie0888
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Linger written by saartha
    Incubus written by monad
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    Bond written by saartha
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]