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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Connectiondots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: idlewriter
    ASL Info:    23/f/missouri
    Elite Ratio:    7.85 - 479/395/72
    Words: 593
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1286
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 4378



    Description:
       Alright,
    so it's been a while I know, but here goes.
    This is rather a strange piece- more conversational than anything else.
    The speaker is sitting in a psychiatrist's office vaguely revealing what he sees. And what he see's is what is really going on, only the psychiatrist won't know until she gets the phone call hearing what her patient hears.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Connectiondots
    -------------------------------------------


    Breath in, Breath out
    Again.
    Breath in, Breath out
    One more time.

    Focus.

    What can you see?

    “A boat, stained with rust.
    A row boat with no engine.
    It’s just floating in the water-
    A pond, no swamp.
    A swamp full of trees.”

    Anyone in the boat?

    “. . . yes, a little girl.”

    “She’s crouched over,
    Looking in the water.
    Holding her hand out.
    Screaming, but I can’t hear her.”

    “Can I go closer?”

    “No, a boy.
    He’s feeding something.
    I don’t know what it is.
    But he’s laughing. . .
    Now pointing.”

    Pointing at what?
    What’s in the water?

    “I don’t know.
    The water’s murky;
    Brownish green, I think”

    . . .

    What’s wrong?

    “He looked at me,
    He looked at me!
    Tell him to stop!”

    Why are you crying?

    “He won’t let go of me!
    My arm, his grip is too strong!
    Tell him to let go!”

    I can’t tell him.
    You have to, control him.

    “I can’t.
    I can’t scream! My throat!
    He cut it. Why can’t I scream?”

    No one’s holding you.
    You’re alone on the boat.

    “I am?
    I am.
    Where did he go?”

    “Where’s the girl?”

    What girl?
    I thought you said she was a boy?

    “No.
    She’s behind the tree.
    Over there.
    Hiding.”

    And the boy?

    “He’s hiding.”

    Is he scared?

    “No, she is.
    She’s running away.
    Towards me.
    Why me?”

    And the Boy?

    “He’s running too.
    After her,
    Laughing and pointing!
    He won’t stop!
    I can’t hide!”

    Breathe.

    Focus.

    Where’s the boy?

    “He’s with me.”

    “The girls lying on the floor”

    You mean the ground?

    “No, the floor.
    Over there.
    By the door.”

    What door?

    “Our door”

    Where’s the boat?

    “What boat?
    There is no boat.”

    Where are you?

    “Here,
    With you.”

    Focus.

    What do you see?

    “The boy,
    He’s lying next to me,
    Smiling. I don’t like it.
    He looks mean!”

    Why’s he smiling?

    “He has a picture in his hand.”

    “I can’t see.
    There, it’s on the table
    Over there, by you.”

    “Can you see it?”

    No.

    Come over here.
    What does it look like?

    “Do you have a daughter?”

    Why?

    “There’s a little girl
    with you. But,
    she’s on the floor.
    No, the ground,
    by the boat.
    She’s crying.
    Calling for you.”

    Why me?

    “ ‘Momma, momma.’
    That’s all I can hear.”

    “Do you have a daughter?”

    Why?

    “Do you have a daughter?”

    Yes.
    Why?

    “Because. . . the girl.
    She’s lying on the ground.
    The boy’s over her,
    Laughing.”

    What did he do?

    “I don’t know?”

    “Why is the phone ringing?”

    Answer it.

    “I can’t!”

    Why not?

    “Because the boy won’t let me.”

    “You answer it.”

    How?

    “It’s over there.
    By your desk.”

    Alright.
    But there’s no ring.

    “Just answer it!”

    Hello.

    “Can you hear her!
    Her Scream!
    His Laugh!”

    Hello.
    Who is this?

    “He’s hurting her!
    Tell him to stop!”

    Stop!
    Who is this?!

    “He won’t stop!”

    Hello!
    Please!
    Please stop!

    “The girl.
    She’s quiet.”

    “Shhh!
    There’s another ring.
    Answer it.”

    Hello. . .
    Yes, this is she.






    Submitted on 2007-08-31 15:49:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      A deep read... down the spiral convulsions of an intense mind. I like how it flowed. Would be a great start for a screenplay.

    Unfortunately, I was put off by the numerous embedded format errors (example: "She�s quiet.�") in the text that distracted my concentration, so by the time I reached the end I was ����... Perhaps, the glitch is in my PC? The embedding set format to begin & end a verse and were for apostrophes also??? I assume to italicize the text to distinguish between speakers. But that being the case, why stop the italics when the client speaks for 4 consecutive verses. By my fifth read, I was able to sort out the speakers. Love the ending... left waiting for the next scene...

    Would dearly like to view this sans tous les �'s!

    All praises

    TeD
    | Posted on 2014-11-13 00:00:00 | by uncreaTED | [ Reply to This ]
      this is great. i think. still trying to figure out where you want to go with it. but im scared of reading it a second time. im always a bit scared when it comes to poetry of that size. though this just seemed to be big. nevermind.
    reminds me of "waiting for godot" by beckett. the dialogue, which seems to be leading to nothing, and the two not really talking to each other. or was it that way?
    ... have to read it again, but i dont think i'll get it until you tell me whats it about. i'd be glad to know.

    er welcome back whereever you may have been, my present would be this sloppy comment, im sorry.
    tea and knives,
    jean-michelle
    | Posted on 2007-09-02 00:00:00 | by Jimi James | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, This is a new kind of write from you and it kind of surprised me. I do like how it goess back and forth and I like the twist you put on it. This is beyond me because my mind does not work
    in this manner as to have a conversation as a write. I wouldn't know how to do it.
    (AND YOU THINK I AM COMPLEX)

    As always I find that you stand above and beyond and I am just trying to tag along for the ride

    Nothing here to say except good job
    and welcome back.


    Deepest respect

    Clyde (Dad)
    | Posted on 2007-09-01 00:00:00 | by Wisdom Seeker | [ Reply to This ]


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    148827

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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    January 10 07
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