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    dots Submission Name: The night epiphany dots

    Author: atonement
    Elite Ratio:    2.71 - 106/186/98
    Words: 176
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 736
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 1135


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe night epiphany dots

    On the rooftops,
    of abandoned dreams,
    I stand facing the world,
    on the edge of the forgotten warehouses,
    where childhood memories can still be played.

    I feel so insignificant and small,
    one person challenging them all,
    for what seems to be what only I believe in.
    No one else will feel the same.

    I left the abandon dreams,
    got off the rooftops of forgotten warehouses,
    where my childhood memories still play like
    the sliver screen.

    I walk passed the city,
    far into the dark,
    miles away from the strip club and casino lights.

    I looked into the night,
    and stared upon the beauty
    of tiny little diamond lights,
    sprinkled across black paint.

    I've never seen anything in such abundance,
    so vast that the city looked small,
    and I became even smaller but felt less insignificant
    because even though I was alone,
    I knew there was so much than just one city,
    there must be someone who believes in what
    I do.

    Submitted on 2007-09-01 00:24:35     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This is really lovely, Jordynn! It is rich in detail, and in descriptions which promote emotion! You have amazing talent for one so young, and I hope you will continue to write.

    There are some spelling errors, which, if corrected, would improve this delightful and rich verse. In the third stanza, the spelling should be abandoned; in the fourth stanza, passed should be past. In the last stanza, and next to last paragraph,
    the phrase 'I knew there was so much than just one city', needs completing; perhaps you meant to say "I knew there was so much more than just one city"?

    This is not to be critical by the way. I love your work here, and the warm and comforting feeling it imparts to the reader!!

    Nice work!

    | Posted on 2007-09-01 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]

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