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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Breathingdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: taintedsmiles
    Elite Ratio:    3.8 - 64/90/75
    Words: 107
    Class/Type: Poetry/The pain inside
    Total Views: 859
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 818



    Description:
       Hurt anger and frustration described in one breath.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBreathingdots
    -------------------------------------------


    The cut just keeps on bleeding
    Stain the skin again
    Stop breathing

    blink once
    blink twice
    pray everything's fine
    murder me silently
    stab me with your eyes

    i'm non-existant i'm not even real
    And everything i'm made of
    Is empty
    I feel clear

    Choke me harder
    make me stop breathing
    snap the pencil in half
    make my hands start bleeding

    blink once
    blink twice
    squeeze the eyelids shut
    grit your teeth
    swallow your pride
    and bottle the screams into this nice jar

    laugh when you really wan tto cry
    smile rub your sore eyes
    say you're sorry that you're still breathing
    still...alive




    Submitted on 2007-09-02 19:20:18     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      It saddens me to think that so many people think this way: turning in on their hate, their fear, and never letting themselves just be. Life isn't meant for beating yourself up... Though I've never been that severe, there's been someone who taught me the truth of that very recently. All that you achieve by doing this--by cutting yourself, by saying you hate the world, that you hate yourself, that you want to just curl up and die--is quit. Do you make things better? No. You make things more painful for those who care about you. And believe it or not, there are people who care. Take me for instance. I don't know you, but you have my word that I don't hate you. And if you ever need to talk about something that's making you that upset, I will gladly hear you out. But don't hurt yourself.

    In case you were wondering, this is my response to your comment on one of my poems.

    Now that I'm through with reactions, I'll tell you what I think of the form. Execution is patchy at best, due to lack of proofreading. All you really have to do to fix that is open it in Microsoft Word or something. Seriously, it's not that hard. Rhythm is hard to get, really, though it's free verse and therefore resembles spoken words more than structured ones.

    Now for the good:

    Some details are blurry, but others work perfectly for the piece. Bottling screams in a jar, for instance. I like your creativity for metaphors. I just have serious troubles accepting the subject matter as right.

    --crimson

    PS if you're interested, I recently posted a contest that you might consider, since it deals with obscure imagery. Check it out if you like, but it will be hard.
    | Posted on 2007-09-09 00:00:00 | by crimson echo | [ Reply to This ]


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    148919

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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