Description: I'm not down or having relationship problems. It just came to me last night, so I wrote it.
If My World Were Paper -------------------------------------------
If my world were paper,
you'd tear it apart and throw it into a pile around my shoes,
but rip it to shreds: I'm tired of living afraid,
so let me feel your cruelty one last time,
and I can be free; then I'll put my life back together
if only with tape and glue.
I like this...it's a nice idea, the paper and all. I've sort of gone through a time like this, you know, relationship problem and stuff...and i was talking to my friend. He asked me what i felt like, and i was describing it in this way. I said that my world as torn into tiny papers and thrown away. My friend told me to stick the papers back together hehehe. By the way, the tape and glue thing is really a nice ending.
I take this as a message to never give up, stick to it (no pun intended) and um... keep going til the very end. Yes, quite... It's interesting... Although, the title... well... it's one of those strange titles, that although have relevance to the... writing, it isn't really... a title... Em... I think I'm just cofusing everyone... Yes, quite... Good work... Yes, that's right...
the paper image is great. it shows a lot of vulnerability, but you never give up. that's good. you can also cut yourself with paper. it's not so harmless. paper is an interesting image if you think about it. anyway I liked your poem very much and enjoyed reading. glad you're not really feeling down.
This reminds me of something else you wrote about someone tearing up a letter. I think. But it was just a line or two in that piece. Anyway, this is not bad. I'd say to scrap "But" and "So". I think it sounds better that that way. Also, the length is fine like it is, but you could stretch this metaphor on for pages if you wanted to dabble in longer writes. I'd like to see it explored more. Now I feel like NicelyJ, 'cause that's what he always tells me.