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Consider


Author: crimson echo
ASL Info:    21 M U.S. of A
Elite Ratio:    8 - 412 /150 /55
Words: 171
Class/Type: Poetry /Serious
Total Views: 1367
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1102



Description:




Consider



Consider lives that should forget
and shun the paths they chose:
those lives whose wandering, weary feet
stand ever on the road--
and there they stay, though step for step
should carry them away--
On different paths this word is kept:
our road is one, the same.

Consider that you walk alone,
and walk in bleakest night:
that you have seen a demon's throne
and seek which way is right--
and yet the map has turned to ash,
your compass but a stone--
Though different paths and sorrows clash,
there is one road alone.

A thousand steps should mark the miles,
a thousand prints of dust,
where all these ones have gone a while
and fallen as they must--
for all the ways upon the world,
they all must be the same--
Though scattered as the die is hurled,
we all must carry blame.

Perhaps alone we stand as motes
to towers, or the sea--
yet we should know, as if by rote:
alone, we cannot be.




Submitted on 2007-09-06 12:38:26     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  "alone, we cannot be.."

Can we say brilliant or bloody brilliant? We shall settle for the latter. Why? Don't ask me why. I'm at a right loss how to put this across without sounding insincere.

...oh fine. I shall make some pathetic attempt...

Your metre is absolutely mind blowing. No stumbling anywhere (except for my reading of "different". Fear the misplaced apostrophe). No word on the punctuation though, Microsoft Word has a problem with it for some reason.
subject matter: I like the second stanza best (though the ending is a close second). It somewhat reminds me of a plight every person has to face, the crossroads of destiny and having absolutely nowhere to go, unable to decide where exactly to tread because your compass but a stone. North isn't always the best direction. Maps don't do much if you have no idea how to read them, and even less if they've turned to ash.
This is unrelated, but I'm reminded of the state of my breakfast this morning...
I'll Favourite this for your trouble. Thanks for the read.


those who wander are always not lost.

Cheers
Azuire
| Posted on 2007-09-07 00:00:00 | by Azuire | [ Reply to This ]
  hmmm...
the end makes me think of the bible and when god created everything and said 'it is good' and then he created adam and said 'it is not good for man to be alone'... thats what your end 'alone, we cannot be' makes me think.

you have written this well.
your meter is perfect and doesnt stumble as i read it which is brilliant.


and yet the map has turned to ash,
your compass but a stone--

i enjoyed these lines because i guess i have been there. when the night is so long and the map makes no sense and daylight is taking forever to break. the compass/stone idea is good. makes me think of hearts of stone because so many of us try to live our life according to what our heart says and yet if our heart is stone [as a result of hurt/pain/misbelief/lack of faith/whatever] then we dont have a very good guide do we...?

you have a brilliant use of punctuation here.
i like that i have to think about this piece. the way you have used an interesting ordering of words to get uyour message across... makes me feel like youve been reading too much john donne or someone from centuries past.

well done.
| Posted on 2007-09-06 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
  all i can truely say to this is wow...there are few people in the world who write something taht makes me wish i had written it...great job...i am a newly found fan
| Posted on 2007-09-06 00:00:00 | by taintedsmiles | [ Reply to This ]
  He who has never strode the wrong path or sought the wrong answers does not live among the people that I know. We all are possessed of an inner compass that does not always point true north...therefore we occasionally stumble even though we strive for the best.
| Posted on 2007-09-06 00:00:00 | by ErgoIgo | [ Reply to This ]


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