Too Good (edited) by darkened

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Submission Name: Too Good (edited) dots

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Author:	darkened_soul
Elite Ratio:	3.38 - 812/868/171
Words:	152

Class/Type:	Poetry/Misc
Total Views:	184
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	992

Description:
Dedication: Billy, you never meant a thing to me.
Edited on: March 21st, 2008.

Too Good (edited) dots

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You can think I'm out of place
I'm only giving you what you deserve
You've lied to me and made me cry
This hatred was on reserve.

Instead, I'm letting you know
Exactly what you did wrong.
You know you can't handle it.
You're just not that strong.

You think I'm being a bitch
That I'm over-reacting, unjustified
I wonder if your thoughts would change
If you knew the tears I cried.

Did you ever think it hurt
When you called me "just a friend"?
All I wanted was to be your girl
I wanted it so bad.

I even let myself feel,
Waiting around could change your mind
But in this end I see
I was never worth your time.

I stuck around for weeks
But reality caught up hard and fast
I thought I was in love, but,
I'm too good for your pathetic ass.

Submitted on 2007-09-06 16:05:52 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  Boy! This is harsh. Your anger and dissalusion seem to have poured from your very soul. I hope things went well after that. Im not much into the cuss words but Hey sometimes they just fit the situation. Jerilynn
| Posted on 2008-03-01 00:00:00 | by Jerilynn | [ Reply to This ]
  I feel your passion in this piece of poetry, but I feel you could describe it in a much, much more interesting and exciting way. It may be a piece that touches you right off, but that doesn't mean someone else will get the point, and feel the way that you do. Some who are not open minded may pass over this poem and not give it a chance. It's wonderful and therapeutic that you can get these feeling out, and applaud your ability to open your heart up without shame or fear of what others may think. It is established that you have the emotional part of this piece down, but now it's time to pull out all the stops in the creative sense, and write this poem in a more poetic way as opposed to a collection of thoughts that one might find in a journal entry. I encourage you to continue to write from your heart, you'll get better and better as time goes on. Learn to challenge yourself as a writer and push the envelope.
| Posted on 2007-09-11 00:00:00 | by Martin S. Allen | [ Reply to This ]
  good for you stand up to the "not-so-scignificant-other" no one should ever get played!

on a techinical hand your lines are long and kind of of balance...

^_^
dismal_s child
| Posted on 2007-09-06 00:00:00 | by dismal_s child | [ Reply to This ]

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