Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: lost in love pian and suicidedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: ladiesplanet1
    ASL Info:    23.cali baby
    Elite Ratio:    3.58 - 720/463/165
    Words: 245
    Class/Type: Poetry/BrokenHeart
    Total Views: 622
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1466



    Description:
       i posted this a while ago and took it off. im just reposting it here so if i need to look at it later all my work is in the same spot. this piece is hella old from av days. after 5 days of sitting alone.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotslost in love pian and suicidedots
    -------------------------------------------


    i'm lost inside myself
    cuz i cant be lost in you
    you told me forever
    i believed this to be true
    darkness overcomes me
    i turned away from light
    im sick of crying myself to sleep
    every single night
    so now i feel nothing
    there is no light today
    no one here can save me
    and you're just too far away
    i thought when i came back
    we'd be perfect like before
    love would still surround us
    but you're closing the door
    tell me what i did
    to deserve this pain you give
    now im going to die
    cuz you're the reason that i live
    i want you to turn around
    so you cant watch me go
    i pull the gun out of my purse
    it wont hurt if you dont know
    as you're faced away from me
    i take the safety off
    i point the tip at you
    but you wont feel this shot
    i turn it to myself
    you here the gunshot fire
    im lying on the ground
    my life has expired
    from hell, i watch your guilt
    i tell you now, its all your fault
    there nothing left to see
    ive finished my assault
    pain to much to handle
    a love that will not die
    a suicide so i will know
    that i dont have to cry
    after forever, there is nothing
    at there's not for me
    i told you to turn around
    i didnt want you to see




    Submitted on 2007-09-06 17:18:39     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      -points down- don't listen to her. Poetry is free. It cannot be limited to the constraints of simple writing. I loved your work, was the first to comment on it actually:) And, after reading it again, love it just as much!

    ->Dark Angel
    | Posted on 2008-03-26 00:00:00 | by drk_angl_17 | [ Reply to This ]
      if you honestly can't be bothered to use correct grammar, punctuation, and spelling, then i can't be bothered to read this. it's boring, cliché, presents to images, and the rhymes are horrendous. please try again, and when you do, remember to present something tangible, something the reader can hear, smell, taste, touch, see. otherwise, most readers will tend not to care.
    | Posted on 2007-10-12 00:00:00 | by Passy | [ Reply to This ]
      You write some really lyrical pieces and I hope one day you get to put some to song - if you haven't already.

    Hang in there girl!

    Great!
    tif
    | Posted on 2007-09-11 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      "i'm lost inside myself
    cuz i cant be lost in you"

    I looooove these lines...they're beautiful, and make me want to cry...

    "so now i feel nothing
    there is no light today
    no one here can save me
    and you're just too far away"

    God, I know exactly how you feel...

    "after forever, there is nothing
    at there's not for me
    i told you to turn around
    i didnt want you to see"

    Sad...sniffle...

    This is beautiful! Thank you for sharing it with us...
    | Posted on 2007-09-06 00:00:00 | by Raivn | [ Reply to This ]
      I have to agree with Dark Angel. This piece is filled with so much raw emotion, it reminds us of all the horrible pain associated with break-ups. And as for the suicide... I know it's in the title but I still have to admit I was caught off guard. You introduced it in such a morbidly beautiful way, and I think it's the crowning glory of this piece (how sick am I to think that a suicide makes a poem beautiful?!). Anyway, excellent work.
    ~Melissa~
    | Posted on 2007-09-06 00:00:00 | by black_beauty18 | [ Reply to This ]
      wow. I loved this piece. The suicide was, i want to say perfect but that would just sound so wrong:P I love the emotion you displayed here. So raw. I have nothing negative to say. BRAVO! You did remarkably well with this piece in conveying your pain. Sometimes, not now but way back when, I had the same feelings. The pain was almost too much to bare at times, especially alone.

    ->Dark Angel
    | Posted on 2007-09-06 00:00:00 | by drk_angl_17 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    149072

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    Live In Between written by teika5
    untitled written by Outlaw
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    Dream written by closetpoet

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry