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    dots Submission Name: Cast A Cold Eye On Lifedots

    Author: Ratiomeducet
    ASL Info:    27/M/Austin, TX
    Elite Ratio:    4.58 - 104/147/44
    Words: 52
    Class/Type: Poetry/Trapped
    Total Views: 883
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 357


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    dotsCast A Cold Eye On Lifedots

    A meek little mouse..

    A meek little mouse
    Snared at the paw..

    A meek little mouse
    Snared at the paw
    Gnawing his limb off..

    A meek little mouse
    Snared at the paw
    Gnawing his limb off
    To escape the ants
    Slowly eating him alive..

    A meek little mouse..

    Submitted on 2007-09-07 00:22:01     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
    this one really didnt appeal to me, i am unsure why
    maybe the style of it, or the subject
    i wish i knew

    im sorry, may it could use a little work though
    it just seems sort of juvenile

    | Posted on 2007-09-07 00:00:00 | by blu_kittin | [ Reply to This ]
      sort of simple, really. im not quite sure if this would belong in a record of poetry or a children's book. more likely a children's book. not that this site is not open to all forms of writing, i just suppose when i opened this selection, i was preparing myself for something a bit deeper, a bit more complicated. not that your idea was terrible, it is actually quite clear, some people would have compromised it for sake of the poem's simplicity. but, other than that small, small compliment, i cannot offer anything else productive, for sake of what this piece just does not offer.
    | Posted on 2007-09-07 00:00:00 | by nwproud | [ Reply to This ]

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    January 10 07
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