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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: “Sawdust Olio”dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Martin S. Allen
    ASL Info:    33 male
    Elite Ratio:    3.98 - 671/222/43
    Words: 176
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 158
    Average Vote:    4.5000
    Bytes: 1026



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots“Sawdust Olio”dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Collect my thoughts for I cannot
    Jumbled, lethargic and downright taut
    Pour them in a glass or boil them in a pot
    Ingest, Digest then vomit them up
    Give them to the poor or waste them on the rich
    Left out in the streets or buried in a ditch
    Children make your use of them!
    As toys, pets, or marionettes
    An object of derision, a punchinello clown
    Dandelion clocks blown apart
    By the gust of an urchin’s breath
    Maple keys make their slow descent
    Where shall they rest their heads?
    Shall I rest mine instead?
    I’ve got a crown full of bran, pins and needles
    I’m the scarecrow, paint my face
    Open my eyes so that I may see, shed a tear
    Or fall asleep
    Open my ears so that I may hear
    Words of love and words of hate
    Open my mouth so that I may speak
    Of my fear and of my faith
    Open my nostrils so that I may smell
    The fragrance of heaven and the embers of hell




    Submitted on 2007-09-07 17:08:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

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    2: I dunno...
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    ||| Comments |||
      are there too many poor people around u?? this work seems to reflect up on a society!

    depth is often the measure of a feel that u get when u read something and I almost ended up seeing a very poor and struggling place around me...

    wonder... it is good.. then it is.. really good.. oh by the way... break it up and it will be much better
    | Posted on 2008-04-21 00:00:00 | by rawpot | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm not really sure I like this poem as one full stanza. I think breaking it up might be an idea.

    Also, I think that the first line can be its own stanza. It sounds like a prelude to the entire piece.

    Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't "down right" (line 2) one word?

    I think that an ellipsis after "Ingest" and "Digest" might be an interesting thing. Think "Ingest..." pause "Digest..." pause "then vomit them up."

    I think that there should be a comma after "shed a tear" (line 17), as it continues a list.

    Finally, on Line 11, breathe is pronounced "breethe." I believe that you are looking for the word "breath".

    Just a couple of ideas.
    --------------------------------------
    My editing aside, this is a good write. It kinda reminded me of the Scarecrow from "The Wizard of Oz." "I want a brain!"

    If I didn't have one, I'd probably wish for one, too.

    Have a good day,
    Cirruculum (TK)
    | Posted on 2007-10-18 00:00:00 | by Cirruculum | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh yeah this poem has got my attention. I love abstract stuff wheither it be lierature, art, music etc. and I love this poem, it has alot to say
    | Posted on 2007-09-11 00:00:00 | by bob D | [ Reply to This ]
      "Wake up and feel alive!" seems to be a great message. I like the upbeat nature of your thinking. :-) Sharon
    | Posted on 2007-09-11 00:00:00 | by Peggy Paris | [ Reply to This ]
      i have read a few poems here today,and i must say i have enjoyed this one the most. a really well written piece,a little abstract, but i like poems that are not all to plain.


    Dandelion clocks blown apart
    By the gust of an urchin’s breathe

    my favourite line,(amongst others.)

    very talented indeed
    | Posted on 2007-09-08 00:00:00 | by eyeless in gaza | [ Reply to This ]
      real nice poem dude. zombies ur thoughts are good.


    peace
    Grim
    | Posted on 2007-09-07 00:00:00 | by DaGrimReaperess | [ Reply to This ]


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