Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: “Sawdust Olio”dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Martin S. Allen
    ASL Info:    33 male
    Elite Ratio:    3.98 - 671/237/43
    Words: 176
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 971
    Average Vote:    4.5000
    Bytes: 1026



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots“Sawdust Olio”dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Collect my thoughts for I cannot
    Jumbled, lethargic and downright taut
    Pour them in a glass or boil them in a pot
    Ingest, Digest then vomit them up
    Give them to the poor or waste them on the rich
    Left out in the streets or buried in a ditch
    Children make your use of them!
    As toys, pets, or marionettes
    An object of derision, a punchinello clown
    Dandelion clocks blown apart
    By the gust of an urchin’s breath
    Maple keys make their slow descent
    Where shall they rest their heads?
    Shall I rest mine instead?
    I’ve got a crown full of bran, pins and needles
    I’m the scarecrow, paint my face
    Open my eyes so that I may see, shed a tear
    Or fall asleep
    Open my ears so that I may hear
    Words of love and words of hate
    Open my mouth so that I may speak
    Of my fear and of my faith
    Open my nostrils so that I may smell
    The fragrance of heaven and the embers of hell




    Submitted on 2007-09-07 17:08:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Wow! I liked the metaphor of sawdust, never thought it could mean so much.

    “All the king's horses and all the king's men can't put the past together again. So let's remember: Don't try to saw sawdust.”
    ~ Dale Carnegie

    It is a wonderful symbol of futility but the poem has a more important message. If one means to open up, he needs to open up for all the possibilities.

    | Posted on 2011-06-02 00:00:00 | by Kaddish | [ Reply to This ]
      this was a nice read. you have sweet rhymes and a strong content. overall, a really nice piece.

    my only suggestion is to space out the lines a little. let them breath, as it were. this is a strong write and each line needs its own space.

    -jp
    | Posted on 2011-02-27 00:00:00 | by rev.jpfadeproof | [ Reply to This ]
      this was a nice read. you have sweet rhymes and a strong content. overall, a really nice piece.

    my only suggestion is to space out the lines a little. let them breath, as it were. this is a strong write and each line needs its own space.

    -jp
    | Posted on 2011-02-27 00:00:00 | by rev.jpfadeproof | [ Reply to This ]
      That was quite swell!
    | Posted on 2010-02-18 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]
      are there too many poor people around u?? this work seems to reflect up on a society!

    depth is often the measure of a feel that u get when u read something and I almost ended up seeing a very poor and struggling place around me...

    wonder... it is good.. then it is.. really good.. oh by the way... break it up and it will be much better
    | Posted on 2008-04-21 00:00:00 | by rawpot | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm not really sure I like this poem as one full stanza. I think breaking it up might be an idea.

    Also, I think that the first line can be its own stanza. It sounds like a prelude to the entire piece.

    Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't "down right" (line 2) one word?

    I think that an ellipsis after "Ingest" and "Digest" might be an interesting thing. Think "Ingest..." pause "Digest..." pause "then vomit them up."

    I think that there should be a comma after "shed a tear" (line 17), as it continues a list.

    Finally, on Line 11, breathe is pronounced "breethe." I believe that you are looking for the word "breath".

    Just a couple of ideas.
    --------------------------------------
    My editing aside, this is a good write. It kinda reminded me of the Scarecrow from "The Wizard of Oz." "I want a brain!"

    If I didn't have one, I'd probably wish for one, too.

    Have a good day,
    Cirruculum (TK)
    | Posted on 2007-10-18 00:00:00 | by Cirruculum | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh yeah this poem has got my attention. I love abstract stuff wheither it be lierature, art, music etc. and I love this poem, it has alot to say
    | Posted on 2007-09-11 00:00:00 | by bob D | [ Reply to This ]
      "Wake up and feel alive!" seems to be a great message. I like the upbeat nature of your thinking. :-) Sharon
    | Posted on 2007-09-11 00:00:00 | by Peggy Paris | [ Reply to This ]
      i have read a few poems here today,and i must say i have enjoyed this one the most. a really well written piece,a little abstract, but i like poems that are not all to plain.


    Dandelion clocks blown apart
    By the gust of an urchin’s breathe

    my favourite line,(amongst others.)

    very talented indeed
    | Posted on 2007-09-08 00:00:00 | by eyeless in gaza | [ Reply to This ]
      real nice poem dude. zombies ur thoughts are good.


    peace
    Grim
    | Posted on 2007-09-07 00:00:00 | by DaGrimReaperess | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    149121

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    The Abyss of Love written by poetotoe
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    The World written by jjd
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    untitled written by Outlaw
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry