Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Love or Stupidity?dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: black_beauty18
    ASL Info:    25/Female/Hutchinson, KS
    Elite Ratio:    4.04 - 153/146/46
    Words: 105
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 672
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 627



    Description:
       I wrote this a while ago before I broke up with my ex boyfriend... And before I met the man who inspired me to write "Falling" and "Loving You". Tell me what you think.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLove or Stupidity?dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Why does my world collapse when we're apart?
    How can I want you through all the pain?
    I can't help but continue to give you my heart,
    In hopes that one day you'll change.
    But that day will never come, so why do I even try?
    Like a fool, I continue to love you.
    Each word from your mouth is just another lie,
    My heart is seeing what my brain already knew.
    And so I'm stupid, for I can't let you go,
    You'll leave with a piece of me.
    Love or stupidity? I guess I'll never know,
    But of this pain I'll never be free.




    Submitted on 2007-09-07 20:47:56     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I do not want to sound kinda of rude or something like that, i but while reading this, i felt thta it was just so simple, use more imagination, some symbolysm will increase reader's attention to your writings... but i guess the idea was ok, i didnt like the word stupidity, i dont know why... so i hope you can improve it.. and well if you have time please take a look to my writing i would be glad to read your comments about them..
    take care
    have a nice day
    and peace and love
    Victor
    | Posted on 2007-09-08 00:00:00 | by vitoko | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    149129

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    Commencement written by Ramneet
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    ME written by jjd
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    This written by Chelebel
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    A Drink written by jjd
    To written by SavedDragon
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    On Loop written by Daniel Barlow
    Giving written by jjd
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry