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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: So this is sex?dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: taintedsmiles
    Elite Ratio:    3.8 - 64/90/75
    Words: 382
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1900
    Average Vote:    4.6000
    Bytes: 2202



    Description:
       To make love is rare, and beautiful.
    To have sex is ... ?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSo this is sex?dots
    -------------------------------------------


    this pleasure factory that seems fun
    during the dirty
    this feeling of used
    and done

    every whispered word that
    settles sickly on his lips
    every time he says oh baby
    every time
    is one more number of guilt and shame
    another one
    another boy not a man
    to fill you full of hate

    every used condom
    that they leave behind
    reminds
    that you are only a puppet
    their living breathing blow up doll
    they want some
    you've got another call

    a cheap dirty whore so easy to use
    so easy
    they say
    just to please me
    when it doesn't

    only the scars for another one night stand
    emotional scars
    that takes the razor by hand
    and lets you bleed out all of that shame and guilt
    lets you bleed out this used condom feeling

    pull up your pants as he's walking out the door
    tell him you'll see him later
    even though you'll never
    anymore

    in those brief moments before he said goodbye
    all you could do was sit
    ponder
    and wonder why
    why do you keep doing things that
    make you feel so used
    flush yourself and start over
    another man....
    becomes: four times two

    get up and sit on the bed
    soak in the musky smell of
    sex and sweat
    get up and pick up the clothes on the floor
    throw away the dirty condom
    feeling of trash
    a dirty whore

    will you never learn to say just wait
    so afaird that the man
    will escape
    that you'll never see him
    if you don't
    give in
    and you end up used and lonely
    knowing that you'll never
    see him again

    another boy
    not a man
    another condom
    one night stand
    one more time to hit the sack
    with one more roll of thunder
    another boy
    not a man
    felling used
    another number




    Submitted on 2007-09-07 23:33:59     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      A rare perspective, I enjoyed it. The overall gritty, grimy feeling, the perspective of a woman who considers herself property, a commodity to be traded, perhaps in the vain hopes that it will purchase a relationship or something more than just sex.

    I think it could have benefited from punctuation, but as I'm guilty of doing the same thing I can't say that is a major gripe either.

    Nice job,
    The Raven
    | Posted on 2015-08-26 00:00:00 | by lucianraven | [ Reply to This ]
      wonderful use of imagery.. this mad me feel really sad. i loved it. good work
    | Posted on 2009-10-25 00:00:00 | by SickOfHurting U | [ Reply to This ]
      i just wonder if my gf felt the same way when she was cheating on me for 3 months.
    | Posted on 2009-05-09 00:00:00 | by vLame | [ Reply to This ]
      Nah you have it all wrong, sex is great fun, and Ive no pity for slappers.

    -Craig
    | Posted on 2009-05-07 00:00:00 | by Raphael | [ Reply to This ]
      this is one piece that is both sad and true...
    the feeling of being used, worthlessness, just another number, etc...
    | Posted on 2008-07-21 00:00:00 | by rubymoon | [ Reply to This ]
      At first when I went to read this poem, I thought it was just going to be some raunchy story of...well, sex. But I love the meaning behind this and it's so true to heart. I think this poem speaks for many people's feelings and ordeals.
    The only thing I could possibly find wrong with it, and it's not even really wrong, is lack of punctuation. I had a bit of trouble reading this due to its abscence, but other than that, nicely done.

    *tox*
    | Posted on 2007-11-16 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow! That was seriously impressive. Especially the last stanza... it has an oddly beautiful sort of rhythm to it, with a great faint rhyme, and it was just wonderful. I certainly favorited this one. It's almost like a repeated, but quietly dull mantra that continuously plays in her ear as she's used again and again. And she knows she's being used, but she almost doesn't, because she thinks it is going to make him stay. Even though it never does... such a common dilemma, but this poem is definitely unique! One critique - I didn't like the fact that you called it a 'pleasure factory,' I guess it was the word factory that seemed out of place to me. I know it made sense and desensitized the whole act of having sex, but I guess my personal opinion is that I would have preferred a different word.

    I like how you don't even bother putting 'oh baby' in quotes, as it's just a tired statement. Another one, after another, after another.

    Thank you, that was awesome.
    | Posted on 2007-09-25 00:00:00 | by awastedsky | [ Reply to This ]
      Well I want it to be known that not all men are like this. The writing AMAZING I just fell in love with it. I have to make it one of my favorites. I would like you to read one of my writings called "The Act Of Love Making" I hope you like it. Beautiful. Blake!!
    | Posted on 2007-09-25 00:00:00 | by deranged shadow | [ Reply to This ]
      This is f*cking amazing.

    You describe so perfectly that feeling of being dirty and cheap and used and worthless. Why do we do this to ourselves?

    I have no words to say...this is just incredibly honest and raw.

    | Posted on 2007-09-23 00:00:00 | by Raivn | [ Reply to This ]
      Hi,

    Thanks for commenting on Silver Ash. I see you added it to your favorites! Thanks again.

    I was perusing your writes and came across this one. I SO understand what you are saying...

    I could go on and on with why, but I think that's 'nuff said. Your choice of words was powerful and fitting for your emotion on this subject. And it is nearly impossible to just say "no" and walk away, mostly because you hope that this time this is the one who really loves you.

    Remember one thing: All MEN are biologically capable of separating sex and emotion whereas it is virtually impossible for a woman to do the same. Sex is sex to most men...tho there are very, very rare exceptions. Good luck in finding your exception and remember that you are worth so much more than feeling used.

    Sash1979
    | Posted on 2007-09-21 00:00:00 | by Sash1979 | [ Reply to This ]
      what a great writing, you did it well this time, girl. I really felt that "feeling" that you were trying to show with this writing, so i will read more of your own soon, and i hope you can read my writes too,
    peace and have a nice day
    Victor
    | Posted on 2007-09-11 00:00:00 | by vitoko | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, I realy loved this poem. You used the words to make the reader feel the emotion so strongly it was like this was happening to them. This is a fantastic poem.

    Hold onto Hope, sometimes it's all you have,
    MinervaBlu
    | Posted on 2007-09-10 00:00:00 | by MinervaBlu | [ Reply to This ]
      This was well written, i'm in a loss for words to describe how much i enjoyed this poem.
    | Posted on 2007-09-09 00:00:00 | by Lost-Poet | [ Reply to This ]


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