Description: To make love is rare, and beautiful.
To have sex is ... ?
So this is sex? -------------------------------------------
this pleasure factory that seems fun
during the dirty
this feeling of used
every whispered word that
settles sickly on his lips
every time he says oh baby
is one more number of guilt and shame
another boy not a man
to fill you full of hate
every used condom
that they leave behind
that you are only a puppet
their living breathing blow up doll
they want some
you've got another call
a cheap dirty whore so easy to use
just to please me
when it doesn't
only the scars for another one night stand
that takes the razor by hand
and lets you bleed out all of that shame and guilt
lets you bleed out this used condom feeling
pull up your pants as he's walking out the door
tell him you'll see him later
even though you'll never
in those brief moments before he said goodbye
all you could do was sit
and wonder why
why do you keep doing things that
make you feel so used
flush yourself and start over
becomes: four times two
get up and sit on the bed
soak in the musky smell of
sex and sweat
get up and pick up the clothes on the floor
throw away the dirty condom
feeling of trash
a dirty whore
will you never learn to say just wait
so afaird that the man
that you'll never see him
if you don't
and you end up used and lonely
knowing that you'll never
see him again
not a man
one night stand
one more time to hit the sack
with one more roll of thunder
not a man
A rare perspective, I enjoyed it. The overall gritty, grimy feeling, the perspective of a woman who considers herself property, a commodity to be traded, perhaps in the vain hopes that it will purchase a relationship or something more than just sex.
I think it could have benefited from punctuation, but as I'm guilty of doing the same thing I can't say that is a major gripe either.
At first when I went to read this poem, I thought it was just going to be some raunchy story of...well, sex. But I love the meaning behind this and it's so true to heart. I think this poem speaks for many people's feelings and ordeals.
The only thing I could possibly find wrong with it, and it's not even really wrong, is lack of punctuation. I had a bit of trouble reading this due to its abscence, but other than that, nicely done.
Wow! That was seriously impressive. Especially the last stanza... it has an oddly beautiful sort of rhythm to it, with a great faint rhyme, and it was just wonderful. I certainly favorited this one. It's almost like a repeated, but quietly dull mantra that continuously plays in her ear as she's used again and again. And she knows she's being used, but she almost doesn't, because she thinks it is going to make him stay. Even though it never does... such a common dilemma, but this poem is definitely unique! One critique - I didn't like the fact that you called it a 'pleasure factory,' I guess it was the word factory that seemed out of place to me. I know it made sense and desensitized the whole act of having sex, but I guess my personal opinion is that I would have preferred a different word.
I like how you don't even bother putting 'oh baby' in quotes, as it's just a tired statement. Another one, after another, after another.
Well I want it to be known that not all men are like this. The writing AMAZING I just fell in love with it. I have to make it one of my favorites. I would like you to read one of my writings called "The Act Of Love Making" I hope you like it. Beautiful. Blake!!
Thanks for commenting on Silver Ash. I see you added it to your favorites! Thanks again.
I was perusing your writes and came across this one. I SO understand what you are saying...
I could go on and on with why, but I think that's 'nuff said. Your choice of words was powerful and fitting for your emotion on this subject. And it is nearly impossible to just say "no" and walk away, mostly because you hope that this time this is the one who really loves you.
Remember one thing: All MEN are biologically capable of separating sex and emotion whereas it is virtually impossible for a woman to do the same. Sex is sex to most men...tho there are very, very rare exceptions. Good luck in finding your exception and remember that you are worth so much more than feeling used.
what a great writing, you did it well this time, girl. I really felt that "feeling" that you were trying to show with this writing, so i will read more of your own soon, and i hope you can read my writes too,
peace and have a nice day