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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Growing Faithdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: DavidHirt
    ASL Info:    29/M/Chicago
    Elite Ratio:    7.46 - 572/332/102
    Words: 77
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 130
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 465



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsGrowing Faithdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Growing Faith

    and so he pours out what he wants
    his soul to be, the crooning seeds
    that voice I Am in him, on loose
    leaf paper at his desk against
    the single glow of one light bulb
    and two lips that would speak of Son
    ship felt in fleeting moments here,
    on guard in case those voices' might
    might over-rake the song he wants
    to sing, to grow, to wright to be






    Submitted on 2007-09-08 00:37:39     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      Hi David Hirt,

    This poem makes me think of soeone who WANTS to believe wholeheartedly maybe, but he is still counting the cost. Which the Bible tells us to do, actually. Make sure you understand that obedience to God and following after him is not going to be easy, and requires that we put on our desires on the back burner in the name of Christ and love of others. I don't know if that's what you were trying to convey, but it's what came to my mind after several reads.

    I'd love to see the prequel and the sequel to this story, find out more about this guy and how he came to be where he is, and where he ends up.

    As far as critique, I really like the immage of "the crooning seeds that voice I Am in him," and the line break between loose and leaf and Son and ship. Spiltting up the expected phrase gives it another layer of meaning. On the next to last line you double typed the word MIGHT, and I think you meant RIGHT instead of WRIGHT in the last line. Of course I could be wrong. And I wasn't sure if OVER_RAKE was a typo or intentional. First I thought you meant overtake, but over-rake is kind of interseting.

    All in all I enjoyed reading it.

    Annie
    | Posted on 2007-09-08 00:00:00 | by annie0888 | [ Reply to This ]
      no matter what one wants to do, god is there to trip him up...

    here he is again cramming another Job into a tiny catcarrier and jabbing at him with pointy sticks, chanting, "How do you like me now?!"

    at least that's what i thought of reading it...

    but then, i'm a bit biased...lol
    | Posted on 2007-09-08 00:00:00 | by ruejacobs | [ Reply to This ]



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