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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Phoenixdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: saartha
    ASL Info:    27/F/US
    Elite Ratio:    4.05 - 230/385/134
    Words: 100
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 682
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 706



    Description:
       Dear Emily,

    It may be a bird, but even birds die. The only question is: what kind of bird is it?

    Love, me.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPhoenixdots
    -------------------------------------------


    We found a piece of rusting metal
    and called it home;

    sacrificed a bit of blood each day
    to whatever shark-like god
    was willing to take us in
    and shelter us in the murky depths
    of dogma--

    we swam like sharks ourselves,
    for awhile,
    before storms rent the oceans
    and typhoons tossed us to shore.

    Our little bit of iron
    threatened
    to pierce the sky,
    and we abandoned it
    to frostbitten futures.

    In our search for a warmer home,
    we overturned cities
    and leaves.


    The world burned
    when we discovered the ashes
    of hope.




    Submitted on 2007-09-09 07:00:37     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      oooh, i like this a lot! you have great metaphors and radical imagery! i kind of sung it, but it was difficult without much of a structure. that's not a bad thing, it was still awesome. but yeah, i sung it as some kind of cross between the arcade fire and the pixies. heh. anyway, maybe it's just the spacing, but i loved the akward flow of this. ...yes, i'm definately impressed, i can't think of anything really interesting to say...it was just really good. the only thing i can think of is that maybe it had a little to much context at parts. like, maybe it could've been even more vague. i can't think of a specific example, just in general. don't change this at all.

    78
    | Posted on 2007-09-09 00:00:00 | by freddybuzzkill | [ Reply to This ]


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    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
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    January 10 07
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