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    dots Submission Name: Part of Lifedots

    Author: mystic_angel
    Elite Ratio:    1.16 - 59/33/14
    Words: 117
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 570
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 739


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    dotsPart of Lifedots

    When I read your words
    That you wrote the last
    My heart is stabbed
    That I'm now collapsed
    And wishes if you were here
    Standing by me near
    Escorting me in my journey
    That seems like eternity
    Loving you from far
    And seeing you like a shining star
    Make me wants to cry
    Because reaching you is so hard
    So I blame our destiny from separating us
    That broke the promise we made onceďż˝
    Because your soul has been taking
    To a place called heaven
    Since then I'm living here to suffer
    But it made me to think much better
    That in this world no one can survive
    Because death is part of life.

    Submitted on 2007-09-11 11:53:27     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Very amazing...
    "So I blame our destiny from separating us
    That broke the promise we made once…"
    At first i thought that it would be about a person leaving you without a choice (but still alive). these two lines got to me, nicely written.

    In the end we learn lessons that hurt us and help us well in life.
    "That in this world no one can survive
    Because death is part of life."

    Everything has its end...

    | Posted on 2008-09-23 00:00:00 | by BusterLILblock | [ Reply to This ]
      I truely love this poem. So much of your emotion comes out I admire that in this writting keep up the good work.
    | Posted on 2007-09-11 00:00:00 | by Darklonelygirl | [ Reply to This ]
      You have managed to open your heart in this piece and that is the best part of this poem, but I feel you can describe this piece in a less obvious way. You're onto something good and emotional, but you must try and make it emotionally convincing to the reader as well. We as writers can always do better, in fact, the desire to better ourselves should be a driving force behind our original works that are very close to our hearts. Please continue to write and write throughout your life, you'll find that your work will mature and that others will catch on to what you are trying to say through your works of art and passion. With that said, these kind of poems are hard to do without saying things in a stale and unoriginal way. I'm not saying your work is stale, I'm just saying that that is a danger among writers, so we must take constructive criticism, and most important of all we must be able to judge our own work more harshly than others, so that we can improve on our own, and give our own selves a nudge.
    | Posted on 2007-09-11 00:00:00 | by Martin S. Allen | [ Reply to This ]

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