Part of Life -------------------------------------------
When I read your words
That you wrote the last
My heart is stabbed
That I'm now collapsed
And wishes if you were here
Standing by me near
Escorting me in my journey
That seems like eternity
Loving you from far
And seeing you like a shining star
Make me wants to cry
Because reaching you is so hard
So I blame our destiny from separating us
That broke the promise we made onceďż˝
Because your soul has been taking
To a place called heaven
Since then I'm living here to suffer
But it made me to think much better
That in this world no one can survive
Because death is part of life.
"So I blame our destiny from separating us
That broke the promise we made once…"
At first i thought that it would be about a person leaving you without a choice (but still alive). these two lines got to me, nicely written.
In the end we learn lessons that hurt us and help us well in life.
"That in this world no one can survive
Because death is part of life."
You have managed to open your heart in this piece and that is the best part of this poem, but I feel you can describe this piece in a less obvious way. You're onto something good and emotional, but you must try and make it emotionally convincing to the reader as well. We as writers can always do better, in fact, the desire to better ourselves should be a driving force behind our original works that are very close to our hearts. Please continue to write and write throughout your life, you'll find that your work will mature and that others will catch on to what you are trying to say through your works of art and passion. With that said, these kind of poems are hard to do without saying things in a stale and unoriginal way. I'm not saying your work is stale, I'm just saying that that is a danger among writers, so we must take constructive criticism, and most important of all we must be able to judge our own work more harshly than others, so that we can improve on our own, and give our own selves a nudge.