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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: If You Want To Make A Memorydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Raivn
    ASL Info:    33/f/al
    Elite Ratio:    4.28 - 1222/916/231
    Words: 324
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 700
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1945



    Description:
       Just one of those things...I don't have the words to describe it...it was just there.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIf You Want To Make A Memorydots
    -------------------------------------------


    Sometimes the night can pass so quickly
    And sometimes, it's way too long
    Sometimes the words tangle in my throat
    But, sometimes, my voice is strong
    Sometimes, I believe that I could love you
    But mostly I know it isn't so
    And sometimes I want to hold you
    When I know it's better to just let go
    And sometimes I look into the green
    And I can believe it's true
    Things are never what they seem
    When it comes to me and you

    So, if you want to go on pretending
    Just turn your back to me
    I know I'll never shed a tear
    It just wasn't meant to be
    If you want to make believe
    Don't look me in the eyes
    I see past all your indecision
    I've seen the truth in all the lies
    If you want to forget to live
    I think it's best you go away
    But if you want to make a memory
    I think that you should stay.

    Sometimes I think you get me
    And sometimes I know I'm wrong
    I don't know why you want to hurt me
    I don't know where this piece belongs
    Sometimes I want to hate you
    And sometimes it's the other way around
    Sometimes you pick me up
    But you usually push me down
    I do know that I want you
    And I think you want me too
    I figure we should live in the moment
    What else is there to do?

    So, if you want to go on pretending
    Two can play that game
    I just know that if you lose this chance
    You'll never be the same
    If you want to make believe
    Just continue with your lies
    I never really cared anyway
    It was just a clever disguise
    If you want to forget how life feels
    Just turn and walk away
    But if you want to make a memory
    I think it's best you stay




    Submitted on 2007-09-11 13:48:12     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      this made me saddish but i couldnt focus..sorry. im very tired. but i liked it. i wanted to thank you for all the comments youve been leaving me. youre very gracious.
    | Posted on 2007-10-25 00:00:00 | by EEKS | [ Reply to This ]
      This reminds me of a cheesy 80s hard rock song.
    And I completely love it!
    I can imagine a cool drum solo between stanzas.
    The first stanza, by the way, is completely awesome!
    You well balanced the 'sometimes' so it wouldn't look like you raped the word.
    And the rest just stokes the fire.
    This is a proud read, buddy ol' boy.

    Or girl.
    Whatever... 0.0

    -Kiddo-
    | Posted on 2007-10-18 00:00:00 | by Kiddo | [ Reply to This ]
       Wow...

    this is extremely interesting.

    "Sometimes I think you get me"

    Hmmm...that interesting...I like it.
    | Posted on 2007-09-23 00:00:00 | by emoxday | [ Reply to This ]
      The rhyme scheme works perfect,
    The message is true,
    Your poetic skills are amazing,
    Just like you.

    Honestly, that was completely awesome. The image I get from it is one of a young couple going through tough time, maybe with a bit of outside interference too. It's like an ultimatum where you're willing to try to make it work if he is, but you're not going to let yourself get hurt for nothing.

    I agree with xSaraHx, it would make a great song too!

    My favourite part would undoubtedly be:

    So, if you want to go on pretending
    Just turn your back to me
    I know I'll never shed a tear
    It just wasn't meant to be


    It just so simple, but it hits a nerve too.

    -----
    DBE
    | Posted on 2007-09-23 00:00:00 | by DBE | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow. Just Wow. Honestly, This is one of the poems I have ever read. This makes me feel like every relationship I ever had was worth everything I could ever risk to have it back. Obviously you know what i mean. Sometimes I wish I could go back and fix every mistake I ever made. And for every time I ever hurt someone else, I feel sorry. From all I have read, You are an AMAZING poet. Please submit some more, because honestly, I am Inspired!
    | Posted on 2007-09-22 00:00:00 | by lyonhart08 | [ Reply to This ]
      So, if you want to go on pretending
    sometimes its easier to pretenc and put things out of the way it makes things easier but I realy regret it later cuz I know it hurts him and I dont wana pretend the real thing is allways better unless its a boca burger :D nice job this would make a radical song but as a poem it works well too
    | Posted on 2007-09-17 00:00:00 | by xSaraHx | [ Reply to This ]
      First of all, let me get up from my chair, stand up and clap.

    <Applause!> <Applause!> <Applause!> <Applause!>

    I think it's quite brilliant. I like how you bring out the confusion spinning between truth and lies and feelings and facts while keeping the structure simple and clean. It reads so wonderfully well there's not a thing I stumble on, and when I reach the end, I want to read it again.

    Very well done!

    <Applause once again!>
    | Posted on 2007-09-15 00:00:00 | by Judy | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow.
    Normally when I use a rhyme scheme like this I end up with a couple awkward phrasings or things feeling forced especially when i write something this long. But damn, you kept this one together. I hope that you gave/give this to someone. That some powerful romance right there.
    | Posted on 2007-09-14 00:00:00 | by MC white | [ Reply to This ]
      That caused a brief pause for me, the rhyme scheme was perfectly utilized and an excellent platform for you to paint this masterpiece, it feels like your just talking but the tone is so well crafted that you can't help but listen. Great Work.
    | Posted on 2007-09-11 00:00:00 | by 7makaveli | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow Raivn, there was so much indecision and surface paint contained in this piece that I, as well as you, have absolutely know idea how you should proceed. Storybook love stories are just that...reality has its rashes and scars. It's all in how we choose to deal with those that determines the longevity of the union and the ultimate outcome.
    | Posted on 2007-09-11 00:00:00 | by ErgoIgo | [ Reply to This ]
      oh, raivn this is beautifully honest and simply pretty
    it is both frank and sentimental, and it so suavely mirrors the current situation, that it could be both young and old, yours and others
    this was a well written piece, i think

    sometimes it takes this sort of experience to make the most beautiful creations

    write on,
    xoxo
    | Posted on 2007-09-11 00:00:00 | by blu_kittin | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
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    9. How could it be improved?
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    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



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    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

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