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    dots Submission Name: End it Alldots

    Author: lyonhart08
    ASL Info:    17/Male/Keene, NH
    Elite Ratio:    3.73 - 9/7/4
    Words: 80
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 621
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 561

       Gives an illustration to the pain of lost love.... it drove a man to suicide.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsEnd it Alldots

    I wish I could tell you
    Everything is okay
    I wish I could tell you
    I was going to live another day.

    Your Innocence,
    Is ignorance.
    My pain
    Is sustenance.

    The blood trickles
    My pain tickles
    Love swarms
    Eventually, hate warms.

    Nothing to embrace me
    But a blade and a pill
    Nothing to love me,
    But the man in hell.

    Iíll see you there,
    Iíll even pay your toll,
    Because tonight,
    Iíll end it all.

    Submitted on 2007-09-11 19:46:10     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I like it. It's a subject that's been done a few times...but what isn't? Life has so much in it that you can take a million different views of the same thing and they can all be beautiful.

    I like the use of the word sustenance. There are a few times that I've thought my pain was what got my ex through each day...and sometimes I think it is still. And yes, your hate will keep you warm on a cold night. It eventually warms, but it can also freeze. Which sucks...from one extreme to the other, ya know?

    Anyhow, I think you did an excellent job. You have a depth that it's sometimes hard to see in younger writers. I look forward to more submissions.

    Oh, and thanks for enjoying my work enough to stalk me...It makes me warm and fuzzy inside...ha ha.
    | Posted on 2007-09-22 00:00:00 | by Raivn | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like this. It's expressive and unique. A good combination.

    In the second stanza you used the word sustenance, what does that mean?

    I like how you said, eventually hate warms. That's so true. After living with hate so long, it's easy to find comfort in it. I know that sounds strange, but I understand.

    Great job with this one. I look forward to reading more of your writing!
    | Posted on 2007-09-22 00:00:00 | by mysterious one | [ Reply to This ]

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