Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Retourne for Lovedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Vampiric Death
    Elite Ratio:    2.27 - 133/159/91
    Words: 118
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 603
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 640



    Description:
       Retourne: a French style of poetry. A retourne consists of four quatrains (four line stanzas). Each line must consist of 8 syllables. Also, the second line of the first quatrain is the first of the second, the third line of the first quatrain is the first of the third, and the fourth line of the first quatrain is the first of the fourth.



    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsRetourne for Lovedots
    -------------------------------------------


    My heart soars as high as the birds.
    I lazily bask in your love,
    It brings such joy I want to shout.
    You are the only one for me.

    I lazily bask in your love,
    I try to take every bit.
    I need to feel you around me,
    Your sweet love is all that I need

    It brings such joy I want to shout,
    and offer you mountains of gold.
    Since I do not have such things,
    I can only offer you my soul.

    You are the only one for me,
    no one else do I love so much.
    So I will give you all I have,
    and hope for your eternal love.




    Submitted on 2007-09-12 00:10:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This piece is structured well, and I do believe you are knowledgeable in that area, but when things are too well structured it's hard to communicate to the everyday man that many poets wish to speak to. This may impress a teacher or even another writer, but as poets we must expand our horizons and speak to as many different kinds of people as possible. By the way, I like this piece, but am trying to open your mind so that you can appeal to a wider variety of individuals.
    | Posted on 2007-09-12 00:00:00 | by Martin S. Allen | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    149404

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Cover written by saartha
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Dream written by closetpoet
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    The World written by jjd
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    prison written by ShyOne
    Carry written by saartha
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Angel Eyes written by poetotoe
    Shi written by ShyOne
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    Etiquette written by saartha

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry