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    dots Submission Name: Land of Dreamsdots

    Author: Vampiric Death
    Elite Ratio:    2.27 - 133/159/91
    Words: 90
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 589
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 548


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    dotsLand of Dreamsdots

    I stare at the book,
    with wisdom of a sage.
    I read the words gleefully,
    as light dances on the page.

    I drift into my mind,
    to places far away.
    I hear the sound of horses
    running happy along the bay.

    Water roars over a cliff,
    into a turbulent pool.
    I shed my clothes and take a swim,
    the waters are so cool.

    I see a figure in the clouds
    who reaches for my hand,
    And we make love throughout the day,
    on the warm wet sand.

    Submitted on 2007-09-12 00:11:07     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I like the visual descriptions of this piece, they are quite vivid and help me to picture what you are describing. The only thing I can say though, is that structurally it needs a bit more work so that you get a balance of pure emotion and structure that will catch the eye of all types of readers, the emotional and the analytical. Great job otherwise.
    | Posted on 2007-09-12 00:00:00 | by Martin S. Allen | [ Reply to This ]

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