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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Sundaydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: A. Rutherford
    Elite Ratio:    2.04 - 5/5/5
    Words: 270
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Longing
    Total Views: 653
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1664



    Description:
       The one that got away, not about me.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSundaydots
    -------------------------------------------


    One sunny Sunday morning
    you kissed me against the wall,
    then we stumbled to your room
    and we lay down on your bed
    it was there I thought nirvana wouldnít end,
    just me and you till the very end.

    But you never said I loved you,
    so I didnít say it back,
    then on Sunday morning
    I came round to help you pack.
    I waited on the platform
    for the words you wouldnít say
    but you promised ma a call,
    then you left with ought delay.

    So I stayed in on that rainy Sunday,
    just waiting for your call.
    I knew you wouldnít call that Sunday
    and that you'd never call at all.

    Ten year from now,
    Iíll meet you on the train
    and we'll laugh like the good times once again
    then you'll ask me how Iím doing
    and Iíll tell you that Iím fine.
    I see your wedding band
    and I ask about your wife,
    you tell me that sheís pretty
    and pregnant once again.

    On Sunday I finally get you call
    your voice alight with joy,
    you tell me that your boys been born
    and your the proudest dad.
    Iíll visit him soon after,
    become your closest friend,
    and Iíll even bring some flowers
    for your wife Iíve never met.

    Then one Sunday morning,
    you'll call me round for tea.
    and Iíll sit at your big table
    with little Matthew on my knee,
    and know its the life
    you shoulda had with me,
    our life that should have started on that sacred Sunday.






    Submitted on 2007-09-12 15:42:00     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This piece would make and good song. It flows well and all however some of your words are misspelled, on line 14-me, on line 15-with out, but other than that this is exceptional. I think its not a coincidence that you picked Sunday for the day to write about, since its the most religious and spiritual of days, and it seems that this day was indeed very special to the narrator.
    ~Chelle
    | Posted on 2007-09-13 00:00:00 | by Priestess | [ Reply to This ]
      I don't know, but this piece reminds me of a Hollywood Clichť, no offense. I see what you are trying to say in this piece of work, but It just wasn't described in a way that would hold the attention of some readers. Might make a good After School Special though. This comment is not intended to down you in any way at all, but It Is to let you know that you have much more ability than you think and that It Is possible for you to do so much better on this piece.
    | Posted on 2007-09-12 00:00:00 | by Martin S. Allen | [ Reply to This ]


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