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    dots Submission Name: The Distance of Togetherdots

    Author: charmedidentity
    ASL Info:    23/F/Canada
    Elite Ratio:    6.9 - 864/897/406
    Words: 423
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 771
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 2835

       Another yet wonderful creation from me and Crestfallenman. The first piece we have worked together "For now and always" was a great hit that we decided to work on a next one. I hope this piece brings out the truth of how hard long distance relationships really are and yet how committed one can be to actually get through this stage without breaking up.

    Thank you Alex for sharing with me these ideas. I loved working with you. It was amazing.

    Hope you readers enjoy it as much as i do.
    My words are in italics while crestfallenman are in regular

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Distance of Togetherdots

    The days I spent deprived from your charm
    I sit here tempted with thoughts to end this.
    As months fly slow, I suffer more heartbreak,
    Of feelings that have wilted to be forgotten.

    This could never be a break up
    But my essence is tearing itself apart
    Because your words fluster me
    After all the sweat weíve shed.

    You beg me to carry forth this relationship,
    As if in time whatever separate us will end.
    On and on, itís your words who speak,
    Yet they never seem to accomplish this pain I've dealt.

    Iíve never been one to argue
    But I need to bring you to your senses
    Of how irrational this would be
    Of how suicidal all this will end to.

    You tell me to hang in there but all I see are
    Couples enjoying their lives as I should with you,
    Do you not know of the loneliness my frail heart takes?
    So annoyed and displeased by those I see together.

    I know this is new and youíre lonely
    And sometimes all you need is a hug.
    You notice couples holding hands
    And youíre angered that itís not you.

    For what reasons should I confine myself in this torment?
    For what reasons should I prolong this heartache?
    My time feels as if itís running low, I await for nothing,
    Can you not see that I am hurting without you?

    I understand your patience is tested
    And your failing is becoming apparent
    But please, the rewards will be great
    For we have a lifetime together.

    The thoughts come to me day after day,
    What if another charms you more than I?
    Would you replace me deep within your heart?
    Or would you remain true to the words you say?

    I donít have time to be with others
    Another love cannot sneak up to me.
    Since my whole heart is already taken,
    I donít have the slightest space.

    All I have of you are the memories of us together,
    Frozen and encrypted in my head like photographs,
    As my heart burns for you through the sleepless night,
    I need you in my presence today and forever to get me through,
    This cold and listless winter I spend within myself, without you...

    Let us enjoy this surprised meeting
    For when again will we peacefully sleep?
    These moments are cherished memories
    It captures the strength of our love.

    Charmedidenity&Crestfallenman 2007

    Submitted on 2007-09-12 17:01:58     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I've done this sort of situation, so this poem strikes me as a fully honest and so clearly expressed exploration of separation anxiety and the bond which the anxiety attacks. It's very successful - I guess it must be for most people also, not just for me.

    I visualized you and crestfallenman on the phone .. could even watch the faces and body language. It was like remembering a movie scene.

    How you do this without using about half of a poet's resource of techniques, is also something for me to study. You reckon the stanzas are important (even in other poems with no conversation) and the division of thought into lines is the main technique. He also composes the same way! That's romantic!

    Aha... you use the lines to separate out and emphasize each sentence and major subsidiary clause. The lines have a set length which you can vary but not much; that provides the discpline and expressive advantage of short sentences. The stanza is a paragraph, but not a prose paragraph because its internal structure of meaning is complex rather than all in a straight line. I'll read your other poems and keep on talking ... if you ask me some questions, I can do it better. I only do a short session each day, so it will take a while.

    | Posted on 2008-03-04 00:00:00 | by Glen Bowman | [ Reply to This ]
      At first it kind of sounded like a relationship in which the guy wanted to have sex but the girl was saying not yet. Until ďAfter all the sweat weíve shedĒÖ so I am going to say I think it is about a man who is hopelessly devoted and want to marry a girl who is a workaholic or schoolaholic or something else that keeps her away from him. Despite its jagged conversation like back and forth which is even more offset by the use and non use of italics it was an amazing read so thank you for that.
    ~SonAsylum aka Aaron
    | Posted on 2007-11-07 00:00:00 | by SonAsylum | [ Reply to This ]

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