its not me... its them? -------------------------------------------
My wrist are bloody
My mind is sore
My stupid Father
He calls me “whore”
My throat is slashed out
My eyes do bleed
My ignorant Mother
I do not need
They both have hit me
They call me things
They rip my heart out
Sweet sorrow sings
I have a memory
I have no soul
I see them fighting
It takes it’s toll
I hate my father
Now that is clear
He hit my mother
I live in fear
They still are breathing
I wish they weren’t
They see me standing
And then assert
They lash my throat out
With vicious claws
They bash my head in
They brake the laws
They keep on pulling
I grab for a tree
Please keep me from both them
Or death it will be
My hands they are shaking
Tears leaking down
The rain it is falling
But I can’t look around
In fear I am paralyzed
But I still feel the sting
He’s beating my ears in
I hear all these rings
O’God listen closely
Can you hear my cries
A child in abuse
A child that hides
Her smiles aren’t the real thing
They are but happy lies
Her laughter is a sweet thing
But she wishes suicide
But murder is the right word
For all who do know
For the parents of this daughter
Have made her need to go
We're really going to have a tough time getting a non-depressing poem out of you, aren't we? Eh. At least you're willing to make an effort and/or take constructive criticism, which unfortunately is more than I can say for a lot of the clowns around here. It really is sad to see what could have become a great idea fall apart as easily as this forum has.
I could go in-depth and analyze all the spelling and grammatical problems, point out troubles in word choice, and try to figure out ways to improve the piece beyond the simple idea of running it through a spellcheck. I may still do so. However, given the length of the piece and the fact that I'm scheduled to go to a blood drive soon would sort of detract from the detail I could give you at the moment, so I'll have to go on gut reaction.
Overall, I see a story that has become all too common in the world. Abusiveness brings difficulty, which feeds on itself until the person afflicted feels they have nowhere to turn. However, the blame cannot lie entirely in the hands of those who perform the act of abuse. It remains also in the choices of the one facing it. Regardless of the sadness or the pain, there are always paths to be taken--and suicide and self-injury, as far as I'm concerned, should not be counted as options at all. There is always more to life, no matter how bad it may become.
It's the sort of story that makes me wonder what exactly is wrong with us nowadays, if families can do such things without anyone noticing.
Based on reaction alone, you have a good write here, but you should take another look at execution.
Submission Name: its not me... its them?
