The Caged Bird -------------------------------------------
Its a shame to cry over the old days
if were suposed to learn and move on
how come Im still hurt?
Can I let go?
Can I be my own person again?
Can I have a life of happiness and passions?
Its seems as tho you are holding me back
Like a caged bird who wants to sing because thats all it knows besides breathing
and sometimes I feel like you are choking me
even without reaching through the bars of my cage
The breathing is damn near impossible
and I wish to sing
oh let me sing
Good. I couldn't find anything that would warrant my telling you to change anything.
Some of the words were spelled differently but that just shows who you are. I feel the way a person writes there poetry whether it be haiku, sonnet, or prose. It's best to stick to what you feel. Rules can always be set aside, if only for a moment.
To me this is a very good write describing a person that seems to be involved in a relationship that is smothering her
Sadly she cant seem to find any escape from the smothering
You wrote this well
I would Love to hear this matched to music
Please if you get ba chance Please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think
Aww, this is short but so powerful!
I really feel what you're talking about here. Not just because I, sadly, can relate; but it's extremely effective in putting that emotion out there.
There are a few minor typos, but other than that this write is amazing! I love it.
Well, i think this a interesting writing because i think that everybody has had that feeling ever in their life. At least, i have. and well i will have again probably. so it is an interesting writing. keep writing. and take care
peace and love
and thanks for sharing
I think this is interesting in a good way. It is definitely expressive and you can feel the confinement of a broken heart, but at the same time I think this piece would be better if you conveyed to the reader the pain you're feeling. I think we've all suffered from a broken heart and have an idea of how it feels, but I think that it's still important to have those intense emotions spelled out for us. Overall, though, I commend you on a job well done. My only other suggestion is to go back and correct the spelling and grammatical errors in there and your in business!