Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Caged Birddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: xSaraHx
    ASL Info:    17/Female/Earth
    Elite Ratio:    4.26 - 107/75/47
    Words: 100
    Class/Type: Prose/Misc
    Total Views: 618
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 560



    Description:
       help!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Caged Birddots
    -------------------------------------------


    Its a shame to cry over the old days
    if were suposed to learn and move on
    how come Im still hurt?
    Can I let go?
    Can I be my own person again?
    Can I have a life of happiness and passions?
    Its seems as tho you are holding me back
    Like a caged bird who wants to sing because thats all it knows besides breathing
    and sometimes I feel like you are choking me
    even without reaching through the bars of my cage
    The breathing is damn near impossible
    and I wish to sing
    oh let me sing




    Submitted on 2007-09-13 18:19:43     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Good. I couldn't find anything that would warrant my telling you to change anything.
    Some of the words were spelled differently but that just shows who you are. I feel the way a person writes there poetry whether it be haiku, sonnet, or prose. It's best to stick to what you feel. Rules can always be set aside, if only for a moment.
    | Posted on 2008-02-11 00:00:00 | by KDrake | [ Reply to This ]
      I wouldn't change a thing in this.
    You got your point across, and thats what writing is all about right?
    Anyway great write, thanks for sharing.
    Kelley Frost
    | Posted on 2008-02-08 00:00:00 | by whendt | [ Reply to This ]
      I wouldn't change a thing in this.
    You got your point across, and thats what writing is all about right?
    Anyway great write, thanks for sharing.
    Kelley Frost
    | Posted on 2008-02-08 00:00:00 | by whendt | [ Reply to This ]
      To me this is a very good write describing a person that seems to be involved in a relationship that is smothering her
    Sadly she cant seem to find any escape from the smothering
    You wrote this well
    I would Love to hear this matched to music
    God Bless
    Ron
    Please if you get ba chance Please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think
    Thank You
    Ron
    | Posted on 2007-09-17 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      Its a shame to cry over the old days
    if were suposed to learn and move on

    For real...

    You pose those timeless questions of heartache and loneliness...I wish I could answer them for you...

    All I know is that it does heal in time...

    And sometimes it takes a lot of time...

    I love the likening of yourself to a caged bird...lovely!
    | Posted on 2007-09-14 00:00:00 | by Raivn | [ Reply to This ]
      Aww, this is short but so powerful!
    I really feel what you're talking about here. Not just because I, sadly, can relate; but it's extremely effective in putting that emotion out there.
    There are a few minor typos, but other than that this write is amazing! I love it.
    | Posted on 2007-09-13 00:00:00 | by doppelganger | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, i think this a interesting writing because i think that everybody has had that feeling ever in their life. At least, i have. and well i will have again probably. so it is an interesting writing. keep writing. and take care
    peace and love
    and thanks for sharing
    Victor
    | Posted on 2007-09-13 00:00:00 | by vitoko | [ Reply to This ]
      I think this is interesting in a good way. It is definitely expressive and you can feel the confinement of a broken heart, but at the same time I think this piece would be better if you conveyed to the reader the pain you're feeling. I think we've all suffered from a broken heart and have an idea of how it feels, but I think that it's still important to have those intense emotions spelled out for us. Overall, though, I commend you on a job well done. My only other suggestion is to go back and correct the spelling and grammatical errors in there and your in business!
    | Posted on 2007-09-13 00:00:00 | by black_beauty18 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    149489

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Live In Between written by teika5
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    untitled written by Outlaw
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    Dream written by closetpoet
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    In a Corner written by jeniecel

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry