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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Caged Birddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: xSaraHx
    ASL Info:    17/Female/Earth
    Elite Ratio:    4.26 - 107/75/47
    Words: 100
    Class/Type: Prose/Misc
    Total Views: 640
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 560



    Description:
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    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Caged Birddots
    -------------------------------------------


    Its a shame to cry over the old days
    if were suposed to learn and move on
    how come Im still hurt?
    Can I let go?
    Can I be my own person again?
    Can I have a life of happiness and passions?
    Its seems as tho you are holding me back
    Like a caged bird who wants to sing because thats all it knows besides breathing
    and sometimes I feel like you are choking me
    even without reaching through the bars of my cage
    The breathing is damn near impossible
    and I wish to sing
    oh let me sing




    Submitted on 2007-09-13 18:19:43     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Good. I couldn't find anything that would warrant my telling you to change anything.
    Some of the words were spelled differently but that just shows who you are. I feel the way a person writes there poetry whether it be haiku, sonnet, or prose. It's best to stick to what you feel. Rules can always be set aside, if only for a moment.
    | Posted on 2008-02-11 00:00:00 | by KDrake | [ Reply to This ]
      I wouldn't change a thing in this.
    You got your point across, and thats what writing is all about right?
    Anyway great write, thanks for sharing.
    Kelley Frost
    | Posted on 2008-02-08 00:00:00 | by whendt | [ Reply to This ]
      I wouldn't change a thing in this.
    You got your point across, and thats what writing is all about right?
    Anyway great write, thanks for sharing.
    Kelley Frost
    | Posted on 2008-02-08 00:00:00 | by whendt | [ Reply to This ]
      To me this is a very good write describing a person that seems to be involved in a relationship that is smothering her
    Sadly she cant seem to find any escape from the smothering
    You wrote this well
    I would Love to hear this matched to music
    God Bless
    Ron
    Please if you get ba chance Please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think
    Thank You
    Ron
    | Posted on 2007-09-17 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      Its a shame to cry over the old days
    if were suposed to learn and move on

    For real...

    You pose those timeless questions of heartache and loneliness...I wish I could answer them for you...

    All I know is that it does heal in time...

    And sometimes it takes a lot of time...

    I love the likening of yourself to a caged bird...lovely!
    | Posted on 2007-09-14 00:00:00 | by Raivn | [ Reply to This ]
      Aww, this is short but so powerful!
    I really feel what you're talking about here. Not just because I, sadly, can relate; but it's extremely effective in putting that emotion out there.
    There are a few minor typos, but other than that this write is amazing! I love it.
    | Posted on 2007-09-13 00:00:00 | by doppelganger | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, i think this a interesting writing because i think that everybody has had that feeling ever in their life. At least, i have. and well i will have again probably. so it is an interesting writing. keep writing. and take care
    peace and love
    and thanks for sharing
    Victor
    | Posted on 2007-09-13 00:00:00 | by vitoko | [ Reply to This ]
      I think this is interesting in a good way. It is definitely expressive and you can feel the confinement of a broken heart, but at the same time I think this piece would be better if you conveyed to the reader the pain you're feeling. I think we've all suffered from a broken heart and have an idea of how it feels, but I think that it's still important to have those intense emotions spelled out for us. Overall, though, I commend you on a job well done. My only other suggestion is to go back and correct the spelling and grammatical errors in there and your in business!
    | Posted on 2007-09-13 00:00:00 | by black_beauty18 | [ Reply to This ]


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    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
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