Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • ES Magazine
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • Video Tutorials
  • RolePlay
  • 90% off Amazon
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Philosophy of Origindots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: 7makaveli
    Elite Ratio:    3.39 - 36/42/45
    Words: 199
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 130
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1283



    Description:
       This is a allegory loosely based on Plato's writings, I'm interested in the feedback.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPhilosophy of Origindots
    -------------------------------------------


    A wise man once said "give me the fortune keep the fame",
    Do me a favor and imagine yourself in a cave,
    You're trapped in chains, just you and your brain,
    In fact you have company, but they are also tamed,
    You face the back wall, you just see shadows reflection,
    Now don't you think that that would hinder your perception?
    Too fast, imagine you are freed and journey out of this place,
    You come across water and see the reflection of your face,
    Your heart starts to race, you can't make out this character,
    Compared to the soulless shadows this seems like a caricature,
    Your vision is blurred, the sun's light is too bright,
    Maybe its not your sight, maybe its intellectual plight,
    Your refuge is in the cave, from there you seek help,
    And that is where you omit yourself true knowledge of self,
    Your peers in the cave do not believe your insanity,
    When in actuality its them that lead the perverse reality,
    You see now how this can be compared to our society?
    Authority/Superiority become number one priorities,
    The wise man is wrong, he represents the majority,
    Don't assume a life without questioning its origin.




    Submitted on 2007-09-14 22:34:26     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I think I know the basis of this poem, but you tell the story like its your own, and the rhymes don't seem forced and the story comes through. So all in all. Good.
    | Posted on 2007-09-14 00:00:00 | by MC white | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    149534



    Full Anime Episodes Streaming Free
    5 million youtube videos all rated over 4.7 stars with 40+ ratings

    [ Copy this | Start New | Full Size ]

    Google
     

    [ Chrispian ] [ Write Forum ]
    [ Friends ] [ SNESroms ] .
    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry