Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: lastdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: layDsayD
    ASL Info:    29/f/florida
    Elite Ratio:    3.16 - 264/243/147
    Words: 243
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 458
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1479



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotslastdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I drove down the old dirt road
    Remembered that first night
    You said it was all you’d dreamed.
    I conjured up that vision
    Your arms heavy around me.
    I could sleep like that then
    Now it suffocates me
    In the midst of my memory something went wrong.
    Flashes of metal, the echo of the machine.
    The sun like always is blinding.
    I hear your voice thunder over the noise.
    And then his response .
    You step from the control panel
    To look to his direction
    It happens
    High above
    A snapping
    The sound is like an egg breaking
    Magnified though .
    He runs to you calm but trembling
    Phone in hand he dials 3 numbers
    It fades after that
    I realize the car has stopped
    I punch the gas aware of lights on in the trailer
    Heads tilted eyes peering through its windows .
    I squeal to a stop in our drive way .
    Heart pounding, hands sweaty.
    I tremble from somewhere inside
    My core shaken
    I want to run to you
    Have you make it stop
    Make the seen unseen.
    I know what you’d say though
    Another rampant illusion
    A product of witches blood
    And overreaction
    You’d hold me
    Then kiss my forehead on your way out .
    I wont be sleeping for sometime.
    What a gift
    What a curse
    Steals the time
    Makes the love hurt




    Submitted on 2007-09-15 21:18:21     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      A sad story with some poetical words and symbols, you can improve it, but it was ok for me, and i could get what you were trying to tell, so thanks for sharing and i am willing to read more of your own, and if you have time please take a look to my writings i would really appreciate it if you leave comments.
    have a nice day and peace and love
    take care and keep writing
    Victor
    | Posted on 2007-09-16 00:00:00 | by vitoko | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    149565

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    Incubus written by monad
    To Glow written by krs3332003
    Bond written by saartha
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    To written by SavedDragon
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Promise written by annie0888
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry