[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: My eye's foolish wishdots

    Author: nomad knight
    Elite Ratio:    6.66 - 110/75/41
    Words: 274
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 962
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1656

       I wasn't sure what to classify this as. I guess "nostalgia" does mean reflecting on the past, but i hate the way that word sounds. Do any of you dislike it too? anyway, it doesn't really belong in "love" but it isn't just simply being depressed. I don't really care for i don't think it really matters that much. sorry if i misled you.

    somehow i thought i was done writting any serious poems about the person i refer to in this piece. I guess that isn't so, even though i have not had contact with them in over a year. I guess this poem is a testement to the fact that the residual effects of a broken heart can last a long long time.

    as always, comments and advice are welcome and appreciated.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMy eye's foolish wishdots

    Once again I navigate my way through electronic space
    To satiate my eye’s foolish wish to look upon your face
    Changing the different sights on a flat window of light
    Till at last my coward’s efforts triumph and I bathe in night

    I feel the warmth of your smile melting the cruel frost
    Your blind eyes look upon me with the comfort I lost
    Shadows are the make up which bring tranquility
    Lightly brushed to emphasize your haunting beauty

    My heart stirs as it feels that pleasant heat within
    It protects the doomed ember despite the chagrin
    Stubbornly it resists the battering winds of reason
    Which whistle loudly to point out my treason.

    That comforting expression may be toward me
    But if you were aware that I was looking at thee
    I know that smile would flee before your disdain
    In remembering how trust died in such agonizing pain

    So my mind looks to you to mutilate my withered heart
    Like it once did to a razor blade to slice my skin apart
    My mind lets my soul feel that eternal echoing ache
    Felt like blood trickling down from old scars awake

    They fight in me but all secretly wanted to know
    My eyes took the lead and the rest chose to follow
    The conjured emotions satiate their bitter addiction
    To the pain of lost love pronounced by old attrition

    I close the window and put out the light
    Closing my eyes to the calming noise of night
    My body still but my mind and soul askew
    In quiet remembrance of you

    Submitted on 2007-09-15 23:43:45     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I like it. I really like the repitition of the imagery of pain and affliction contrasting those of care and lust of emotion. Obviously this person had a large impact on your life and im guessing the relationship didnt end amazingly well. Im sorry you had to endure such pain.

    I like how this piece is just a jumble of emotions and feelings and more like a train of thought then anything. This is the mind in love or thinking about love, it is indesribable just as the relationship was. That feeling you can'ever begin to explain and its not of absolute bliss, its also of insecurity and pain.

    Bravo. And yes, sorry I havent been on in a while, been busy with a whole new school year and everything. Like you my mind is a mess so I am just waiting for things to sort out a bit more before I get back to writing. In dire need of some inspiration. How are you?

    | Posted on 2007-09-21 00:00:00 | by blankscreen | [ Reply to This ]
      Quite a good poem despite it's somewhat dark imagery. I love rhyme, and am glad to find it is still published other than in children's books. From what I understand, your former lover lost trust in you resulting in seperation. You browse the Internet (?) to view their picture, feeling their "disdain" regardless of the warmth their frozen smile provides for you.

    I'm afraid I'm not sure what advice I can give as to the phase you are going through (if you allow me to call it so), but I do know that there are uncountable versions of what "love" is, and if the person you talk about falls under that catagory then you have every right to place this poem under it too. The only help I am able to offer is a suggestion to replace "bath" with "bathe", the latter being a verb unlike the first.

    | Posted on 2007-09-16 00:00:00 | by DeepDreamer2008 | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]