[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Ide teeth and evanecsedots

    Author: all the english boys
    ASL Info:    15
    Elite Ratio:    2.76 - 173/239/46
    Words: 100
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 1932
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 656

       the movielife are a band, so yeah. i used a line of their lyrics.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIde teeth and evanecsedots

    shut your mouth boy
    turn me off, let me evanesce
    lay in waiting to pounce
    upoun the nearest rising star
    racing into the heavens
    grazing your cheeks
    your ide teeth upturned
    your taste lingering in the corner of my mouth
    we drive, the wind feels all to familiar
    brunt of it blocked by our bodies
    the sky weeps, lays to rest our lonliness
    the movielife blasts in the background
    we laugh and look at the dirty carpet of the seats
    so "c'mon c'mon, shut up, shut up"
    and I'll press you against the sides
    and hold you there forever.

    Submitted on 2004-06-21 15:35:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      'upoun' should be 'upon' and 'to' in 'all to familiar' should be 'too'. Otherwise this is pretty good. It's very direct, and I admire that.
    | Posted on 2004-06-21 00:00:00 | by Erchomenos | [ Reply to This ]
      "waiting to pounce
    upoun the nearest rising star
    racing into the heavens
    grazing your cheeks"

    I don't know the band or the song you speak of (duh) but this is very fresh. Fresh is hard to come by, glad to read it.
    | Posted on 2004-06-21 00:00:00 | by Sandburg | [ Reply to This ]
      "shut your mouth boy" is where this piece anchors itself. There forcefulness and agreesion of that contrast with the romanticism of the star and the heavens to make the write enticing and exciting. It's like a swirl of emotions, sometimes tasting one more than the other. I like it.
    | Posted on 2004-07-13 00:00:00 | by Black Rock Tractor | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Happy Saint Patrick's Day written by poetotoe
    Before, Now, & After written by SincerWritinAsh
    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    You do, I Do written by poetotoe
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    Your Lover written by Cordell
    Push written by JanePlane
    the living moment written by ShyOne
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    True Death written by layDsayD
    AI written by poetotoe
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Estranged / Shocks written by Daniel Barlow
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    Summer written by layDsayD
    written by Daniel Barlow
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]