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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Bloody Bladedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Vampiric Death
    Elite Ratio:    2.27 - 133/159/91
    Words: 143
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 633
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 976



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBloody Bladedots
    -------------------------------------------


    It cuts so deep,
    I fear for my life.
    It cuts so quick,
    sharper than a knife.

    My life runs out,
    it's too late to go back.
    My life's gone now,
    my world goes black.

    I'm falling so far,
    has this no end?
    I'm falling too far,
    nothing left to defend.

    I have no soul,
    for which to cry about.
    I have no heart,
    you ripped it out.

    It cuts so deep,
    I'm loosing my life.
    It cuts so quick,
    words sharp as a knife.

    My life runs out,
    my shoulders are slack.
    My lifes gone now,
    taken in your attack.

    I'm falling so far,
    I've no shoulder to lend.
    I'm falling too far,
    pushed by hatred you send.

    You have no soul,
    you only shout.
    You have no heart,
    this I don't doubt.




    Submitted on 2007-09-16 22:19:59     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      the rhyming is really good in this piece it flows well

    "My life runs out,
    it's too late to go back.
    My life's gone now,
    my world goes black.

    I'm falling so far,
    has this no end?
    I'm falling too far,
    nothing left to defend.

    I have no soul,
    for which to cry about.
    I have no heart,
    you ripped it out."

    i really like those verses
    other than that you do repeat yourself in a way

    "My life runs out,
    my shoulders are slack.
    My lifes gone now,
    taken in your attack.

    I'm falling so far,
    I've no shoulder to lend.
    I'm falling too far,
    pushed by hatred you send.

    You have no soul,
    you only shout.
    You have no heart,
    this I don't doubt."

    those are also some good verses
    idk, i would change the repetition of the words a bit, other than that its a really good piece

    -Bella
    | Posted on 2008-01-29 00:00:00 | by IsabellaAurora | [ Reply to This ]
      there are perhaps more artistic ways to present this idea. i think, if writing about blood and death and pain is what you want to do, the mission is to make it sound like nothing anyone has read before. the challenge is to set your poetic voice and imagery apart from all the others who write with the same theme.

    youve repeated your ideas all throughout this piece. life has come to an end multiple times throughout the progression of this piece and i think you should prolly think about dying once but doing it on a bigger scale perhaps? this would make more of an emphasis on the pain experienced and the reason for death.

    i dont know. i think you should try to set your writings apart. i dont know how realistic this piece is for a release of emotional anxiety/pain...
    | Posted on 2007-10-23 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]


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