The Moon and I by Cora Windover

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Submission Name: The Moon and I dots

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Author:	Cora Windover
ASL Info:	1,292/it/Radiant Garden
Elite Ratio:	4.16 - 862/761/201
Words:	156

Class/Type:	Poetry/Serious
Total Views:	158
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	1016

Description:
have some Kingdom Hearts poetry. Yay.

The Moon and I dots

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The corner rips
At the edge of my soul, turn -
He is standing there.
Close my eyes,
Smile until there's nothing left but the moon and I
Reach into the void inside
And bring back
What makes me feel alive.

My lover sleeps
At the edge of my thoughts, dreams -
We are tangled there.
It's a rough way to show each other how we care
From empty eyes
Shine silent cries
And I can't help but stare -
Nothing left but the moon and I
And he's still standing there.

The darkness creeps
At the edge of my heart, weeps -
He's fading fast.
Nothing comes from nothing, no -
We knew this couldn't last.
Fill me up with darkness
For I can't erase my past.

I'll disappear to Kingdom Hearts
And finally I'll cry -
For all along, I loved him,
Now it's just the moon and I.

Submitted on 2007-09-17 13:47:12 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  nice work here. i wrote a poem with this exact title in '06 (but it's nothing like yours). you do a good job here giving the reader insight into your feelings. good job.

peace, love and all that other junk,

joe
| Posted on 2008-01-07 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
  I like this poem O_o It's honestly - in my opinion - very well put together I had a love like that once, so I can definitely relate to it... I love the last few lines of the poem; they bring out the sadness and near - hopelessness of it. Thanks for sharing and keep up the great work

-Sere
| Posted on 2007-09-19 00:00:00 | by Lil Sere | [ Reply to This ]
  This stir's a lot within the mine an soul, I thought it a a five rated piece of work,the last lines where really a kicker, good job keep up the great works, O f course liked almost all the lines in this piece, an I don't see anything that needs changed in it.
Adnil
| Posted on 2007-09-18 00:00:00 | by adnil | [ Reply to This ]
  Even though its kinda convoluted in the rhyme scheme, it gives it the perfect stream of conscious mood. I liked this alot. The last stanza, paragraph, whatever you want to call those four lines were the perfect ending.
Josh
| Posted on 2007-09-17 00:00:00 | by MC white | [ Reply to This ]
  Very good! There were lots of lines I liked but especially these,
"From empty eyes
Shine silent cries
And I can't help but stare -
Nothing left but the moon and I
And he's still standing there."

Your rhymes worked well and there's not a word I'd suggest changing. :-) Sharon

| Posted on 2007-09-17 00:00:00 | by Peggy Paris | [ Reply to This ]

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