[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Act...Performance.. Deviancedots

    Author: jackz
    ASL Info:    24/F/OH
    Elite Ratio:    3.76 - 591/623/381
    Words: 268
    Class/Type: Rant/
    Total Views: 981
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1962

       Things have not changed at all. And I thought I have gotten far, I thought I was in the process of moving on. I have found out otherwise in the past few days

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAct...Performance.. Deviancedots

    Lying in bed…
    Thinking of you and all the good you brought into my life.
    Lying in bed…
    Thinking of you and what I could do without you
    Lying in bed…
    With tears in my eyes at the thought of not having you around…

    And now here I am writing this due to you… and the PAIN you have caused me.
    The only reason you had me within your control
    Was because you put on an act that you cared

    You knew my weakness and that was, wanting a father figure…
    You took this weakness and tormented me with it.
    Dangling it within arms reach…

    When although you cared it was only about my body and what you’d get from it!
    Your act was encouraged by the nude pictures you took of me
    This performance you put forth to deceive me was inspired by all the things you made me do

    All the things you made me let you do to me… as I cried out
    As I hollered for you to STOP
    Begging you with every breath within my body,

    But soon I learned that did no good.
    My screams and tears had no effect on you
    Simply my reaction to your cold hands touching me in areas you were not allowed
    That and only that reaction you looked forward to and had you wanting more.

    Submitted on 2007-09-17 17:35:14     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Ah Ca rumba,
    You know, men are creeps, never let them know of your weaknesses or your fears because it is really just ammunition to get what they want. I'm telling you this from a mans point of view, it's funny that I came across a writing like this because I recently wrote a poem called "Serial" about having the tables tuned on me by a very crafty lady, she had me convinced that I needed her to continue, but what it really comes down to is you don't need anyone to make you feel whole, that power only lies within yourself, I found if you turn to other people to fill gaps within yourself it only ends up in pain and disappointment.
    Also he sound like an [censored], I hope you realize that you are better off not sharing your life with a person who would do something like that to you,
    Great write, Great emotion,
    | Posted on 2007-09-19 00:00:00 | by Spin | [ Reply to This ]
      As you stated it is a rant, and for a rant it's not bad at all. But still you could make it better. First, I think it would actually add by removing capital letters. They are acting like a distraction. Some lines broken would help also, like
    "When although you cared it was only about my body
    and what you’d get from it"

    "Simply my reaction to your cold hands touching me
    in areas you were not allowed
    That and only that reaction you looked forward to
    and had you wanting more."
    The piece is in a way self-explanatory, yet opened to different interpretations, which is good.

    | Posted on 2007-09-18 00:00:00 | by Poly Jean | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]